Wednesday, March 17, 2010

90210 Semi-Live Blogging "Girl-Fight"

Previously on 90210:

Teddy loves Silver more than anyone he's ever met. Except his sister. Silver's jealous cause she doesn't know lady is his sister. Dixon is a douche-bag, but no one seems to have caught on yet cause everyone's an idiot. Naomi & Liam have no chemistry (I could have told you that) and Jasper's a creepy fuck, as usual. Oh and he put drugs in Navid's locker. Uh oh.



Ladies are chatting after shopping & reveal that Navid got suspended. Thanks for the exposition.

The show acknowledges that Naomi buys too much crap and I appreciate it

Annie is with her creepy non-boyfriend who she only just realized was creepy, somehow

Jasper: I'm hitting the table! I mean business! 

Jasper wants Annie to come over. She tells him to STFU. He hits the table. So she goes to his house anyway. Lame.

Dixon got a hair cut! He looks 10 instead of 12 now! Good work, show. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

This is a dream sequence. NO STOP KISSING I HATE IT WHEN SILVER AND DIXON KISS. Gross. Dixon's wearing cologne. Almost more gross. Almost.

Birth mother something something blah blah adults Dixon blah

Silver is totes as grossed out by Dixon as I am. Maybe she realized his name is Dixon and that's a fake name. Not that Silver is much better.

Dixon is pouting like the 4 year old he is. Ughhh.                                  

Naomi and Liam continue to have zero chemistry. Ivy & Liam continue to have lots of chemistry.

"I don't understand why he's so stiff around me. I mean, outside the bedroom. Inside the bedroom, he's plenty stiff."
...this syntax is so many kinds of wrong. Proper English would have resulted in something more like this:
"I don't understand why he's so stiff around me. I mean, outside the bedroom. Inside the bedroom, I know exactly why he's stiff."
You're welcome, 90210, any time

Naomi wants Ivy to hang with her and Liam. Best idea ever. Except not at all. Prepare to hate your life in about T minus 15 minutes, Naomi.

Jasper: "If we have sex, then you'll remember how magical things used to be between us."
Jasper, I can't sleep with you

Well, at least this season is making me feel something (disgust) which is more than I can say for last season.

Opening Titles - the rest of the post after the jump!

Annie tried to let herself do it with Jasper, but she can't because he's creepy and crazy and everything that is wrong with anything

Annie told him off! Yay! Except he's totes gonna kill you in your sleep now.


 He's hot, he's sleepy, he's the Hot Sleepy Teacher! Look at him struggle to keep his eyes open. Awe.

Whenever someone calls him Mr Matthews, I think of Boy Meets World

Jen IS clearly a sociopath! Naomi says something accurate! Hot Sleepy Teacher should be called Hot Sleepy Dumb Teacher for not noticing sooner. I said dumb. Hah.


Rumer Willis isn't a terrible actress, but she's so weird looking, it confuses me, especially seeing her next to Adrianna, who is like, unheard of levels of gorgeous

 One of these is not like the other

Hiking! This can't end well.

Silver & Dixon went...where exactly for a friendly lunch? What the hell in this place?

Silver points out that the moment is nice. NO ONE DOES THAT IN REAL LIFE AND IT ANNOYS ME.

Silver still doesn't know the girl with Teddy is his sister and Dixon still isnt telling her. Haven't you learned by now that lying is BAD and ends in BAD? Dumbass.



Surprise surprise, Silver is mad at Dixon. Idiot Dixon.

"What kind of friend are you?" Well said, Silver. I hope you didn't leave money. Make that ass pay for lunch.

Ivy tricks Naomi into falling down. It's mean. But also, it's awesome.

This shouldn't be the best part of a teen soap episode. It just shouldn't.

Naomi calls Ivy out on trying to make her look bad cause she still likes Liam. Words are thrown around like "Coward." Ivy admits she still likes Liam a lot and says he & Naomi suck as a couple. Cause they do. Naomi tells Ivy she's gonna take her down and she "has no idea what she's up against." I smell a fight? Oh, hey, name of the episode is "Girl Fight" AND they showed a cat fight in last week's episode, so yeah, I definitely smell a fight coming.

Dixon comes clean to Teddy. Finally. Tells Teddy to punch him. I agree.

Dixon: "I'm not gonna give you excuses, right after I give you these excuses." Lame

Teddy punches Dixon! Yes! I enjoyed that.

Lesbian pity party! They're gonna watch PS I Love You? Really?

No human can be mad at any other human for thinking Rachel McAdams is hot. I'd be mad at someone for NOT thinking she was hot.

Annie's gonna confess! That's what I'm talking bout

Naomi knows how to work a bikini and proceeds to work a bikini.

 For the two boys who read this blog

Teddy and Silver! I actually like Teddy & Silver. One of the only couples on the show that has ever really had any development whatsoever.

Silver: How much could you like me if you were able to move on so quickly?
Followed by THIS series of moments. Silver silently and clumsily puts on her helmet & glasses and struggles to start her moped or whatever the hell that is. Teddy is sad.

Random old blonde lady starts talking to Hot Sleepy Teacher. I am bothered. Her name is Laurel and she's a hippie. Thanks costumes.

 Anyone who was a hippie in the 60s still dresses like this, duh, people don't change over 40 years. ...

Liam is so hot. I miss him being interesting.

Two "accidents" = one cat fight. Someone out there just got really excited about using that clip in a Naomi/Ivy slash fan video.

It is not remotely believable that Naomi's bikini wouldn't have fallen off by now

 Bikini bites it in 3...2....1

Naomi is yelling at Liam for their awkwardness, that's not fair, he hasn't done anything wrong

"If you think I'm ever going on a hike again, you're out of your damn mind." Hah. I believe I've said something similar before.

Liam, come on, if that didn't prove you and Naomi don't belong together, I don't know what will

She was a Groupie! Not a Band Aid. She slept with the rock stars. And many of them. Gross.

Maybe she's a crazy person, Ryan, you don't know if she's telling the truth. Wait. She's drinking cause she slept with these rock stars? I don't understand. This show is so dumb.

Eyu! Don't make out with the old woman! Stop it! She's like 50! Cougar town!

Rumer Willis' ex girlfriend wants her back. Say no! Go after the straight girl!

Ryan makes out with old hippie in a car. I bet she's a new teacher at the school or something. Someone's wife. There's a twist coming.

 Trust me, you don't wanna see what's going on in there

Gia comes to Adrianna's house! Gia wants the Adrianna.

They are close enough that Adrianna now calls Gia "Sweetie." I hate it when friends call me sweetie. Do not approve.

Jasper in the window. EACK!

Creepy Fuck continues to be creepy

Jasper's not gonna turn her into the police. He loves her too much. He says he should set her free so she will come back to him. Aw it's kinda sad and sweet. But mostly creepy & uncomfortable.

Liam comes to see Naomi. Oh great. How did she know she'd be in this random cabana room thing?

They make out. The only thing they have in common. Lame.

He fell for her cause she was a bitch? That's why? Oh that's offensive.The bitchy girl doesn't get the guy, helloo.

The hippie is Ivy's mom! Of course. Duuuh.

"Can I interest you in a toke?" "Mom, you should really give that stuff up." Okay, so being a bitch is fine, but smoking weed isn't? DO NOT APPROVE.

Silver is very openly talking about her relationship with Teddy with Adrianna. That's weird. Also weird - Jasper. In general.

And Silver somehow knew Teddy would be on the tennis courts. Everyone on this show knows where everyone else is all the time and it's annoying. Do they have foursquare? >

Teddy is such a dufus.

Kissing of the Teddy/Silver variety

Awkward Jeopardy shout out?

Why does the dad have to know anything? Why can't the mom know everything? Oh. Cause we're not supposed to overestimate the dad. Oh he tivoed it. Lame. SO MUCH LAME.

Birth mother alert. Snzzzz

 Whenever a birth mother storyline occurs on a show, I fast forward through those scenes. It's a rule of a thumb. And a damn good one.