Casting call. Trust me on this one.

It's a magnificent debate to find one's self in. Who should play who in the live action version of your most treasured cartoon, comic, or book? These choices essentially decide whether an adaptation works or doesn't. Would Iron Man have been the success it was without RDJ? No. Not even kind of. He didn't just embody the role, the he defined it. His charisma, presence, and total lack of predictability elevated the film to a different level than simply a fun superhero flick. It's a welcome and overdue practice- casting, not necessarily A-list talent, but real talent in films that would typically be considered superfluous. Hulk, while not anything near the movie Iron Man was, still rocked the casting, so at least all the moments between the characters were full, interesting, compelling. Same with Hell Boy, with the new Batman franchise- the casting is so beyond important, it's not to be believed. And here comes Captain America.



Now, anyone who's spoken to me about this knows that, as far as I'm concerned, there is only one man who was born to play this role, and his pal Sundance came in as a close second.

From All Things Fangirl

However, Paul Newman is, tragically, no longer with us, and so we must look elsewhere. And I’m lookin’ at Patrick Wilson.

You may recognize Pat from such rollicking good times as Little Children,Hard Candy, and the action-adventure rollercoaster The Phantom of the Opera, in which he had long Fabiotastic hair and jacked King Leonidas’s chick like it weren’t no thang. Oh, and he’s also playing a lead role in the film adaptation of Alan Moore and David Gibbons’ graphic novel Watchmen, playing Niteowl the second. So, why would he be a good Cap?

From All Things Fangirl

He has the look. American, could be an everyman, but stand-up and demonstrably built. Capable of being charming, dashing, hard- a real leading man. Not that he really plays leading men, he usually plays deviants or emotionally damaged failures, or… you know, failed superheroes who can’t get it up. But! But. He’s got the chops. His range and power as an actor are indisputable. He’s also masterful at changing on screen. Hard Candy is a wonderful example of this- the presence he exudes changes wholly from the beginning of the film to the end. I can’t wait to see the journey he takes in Watchmen. Patrick would tackle Steve Rogers with gravity and skill, and he’d look good doing it.

From All Things Fangirl

Another option is Cheyenne Jackson.

From All Things Fangirl

You’d have to blondify the hell out of him, but once done, he’d make an excellent, if rather young, Cap. He’s a stage actor, so he’d be great at physicality, but I’m not sure they’d want to take the chance on handing him a franchise like this when he hasn’t really done anything at this level before.

From All Things Fangirl

Then again, of all the issues Superman Returns may have had, Brandon Routh was not one of them. So there’s points in the unknown’s category. And that’s pretty much where I’m at with Captain America. No Eckhart, no Pitt, NO CRAIG. I worship at the altar of Daniel “Walking Personification of Sex” Craig more than most, but I don’t think he’s right for Cap. I think he’d rock the shit out of it, but I don’t think this is the role for him. Not now. Anyway, I want more Bond.

Moving right along, a casting call of infinite more import. So, not to hate on Keanu Reeves, but I’m sick to fucking shit of Keanu Reeves. And I like the guy, but I swear to God. This Cowboy Bebop buzz is killing my soul.

If you’re not a CBBP fan, you probably haven’t seen the show, because if you’ve seen the show, you essentially have no choice but to be a fan. Suffice it to say, I am one. Now, if you’re not a CBBP fan, it’s entirely possible you don’t know that its been optioned, and that the man who optioned it is Keanu Reeve’s manager, and producer of such films as Constantine. Based off a comic. Starring Keanu Reeves. Hollywood, we have a problem.

From All Things Fangirl

There is only one person alive in this industry capable of portraying Spike Spiegel, the tragic hero of CBBP, and that man, ladies and gentlemen, is- not Keanu Reeves, twelve years too old and several leagues short of major, in this instance- Lee Pace. Yes, the piemaker prince, the tall, gangly rascal with that marvelous smile. Aside from being as close to picture perfect as humanly possible, he’s a phenomenal actor. He has range, style, charisma, charm, and the perfect smile.

Sigh.

Let’s take a look, shall we?

From All Things Fangirl

From All Things Fangirl

IRREFUTABLE EVIDENCE. Through his impressive myriad of roles, Pace has demonstrated an ability to go everyplace Spike does in the course of the series. The cockiness, the determination, the shiftless layabout and the significantly darker side of things, in The Fall and Infamous. And the whole time he exudes irascible charm, from every pore.

We'll see if God has an interest in film or not when the CBBP live action film gets a greenlight and the cast is announced. See full post

I'm getting tired of this monkeybusiness AND/OR these remakes are more obnoxious and full of poo than a barrel of monkeys [Rant]

Okay, so this issue of awful, gratuitous, mercenary, hack, visionless remakes has been plaguing me lately, and I think I’ve realized what it would take to ease my ire. A change in goddamn vocabulary. What is a remake? What is a re-imagining? Why would you make either? The Day The Earth Stood Still. Is it a remake? Or is it a ripoff.

I watched Burton’s Planet of the Apes today. Yes, yes, I know. WHY?!, you must be asking. OH SWEET HOLY JESUS, WHY? Well, because it was on and I was getting ready for work. And as I watched, I thought, You know, for a movie- for a borderline campy scifi action flick that wants to say something about the human condition, but bluntly and without finesse, and then just focus back on the whacky monkey-filled fun… It’s a decent flick. It’s got amusing performances, neat makeup and effects, and an intrinsically clever, if extremely far fetched and all put impossible (surely improbable) plot line.

Man chases chimp through wormhole to other world. Man causes lots of trouble by leading an extremely small-scale rebellion. Man unwittingly provides evil Ape-men with the means to become evil Ape-men in the first place. It’s all fuzzled in the way that time-travel tends to fuzzle things, because HOW HOW HOWHOWHOWHOWHOW WHAT? But, that given, it works. Burton makes it work in what is possible the least-subtle of all of his filmic endeavors. The Nightmare Before Christmas is like Tolstoy compared to the Beverly Cleary of Planet of the Apes.

Now, where the movie fails is, it was billed as a remake. It’s not awesome, it’s okay, but where it fails, is, it’s seen as being a remake. It isn’t a remake. It’s an exploration of an idea in a different way and with… significantly less seriousness. So, the movie was advertised, thought of, and reviewed as a remake. And it isn’t. If the events of the movie didn’t badly stretch any possibility that Taylor exists out there in the universe and is going to land and discover the wild kingdom, there, it would at best be an ill-thought out prequel, but it sure as shit isn’t a remake.

When you watch Burton’s PotA, all the big HOMG moments are missing. Everyone talks. So there’s no supremely satisfying moment of ‘Yeah, looks who’s talking NOW, you damned dirty ape!’. There’s no reveal, there’s no shock. There’s also no complexity to the ‘political intrigue’. The whole movie is intensely shallow. There’s no TRIAL. There’s no political procedure, no suspense. It’s a lot of running around and making grunting or, alternately, shrieking noises. And it’s Marky Mark being the High Lord Douchebag of all Douchebags. “Humans suck. I am one, I should know.“ “Back home, your bright red naked ass would be in a zoo, where it belongs.” “Smart monkey Helena-Bonham Carter is ugly. Stoopid trout-pout blond chick is hot, but also worthless. Kris Kristofferson, you’re a boring old guy. Check out how awesome I am at wielding a branding iron.” Also, for a man who has worked professionally with APES for a LONG ASS time, he really does insist on calling them monkeys. Wtf. Douchebag. So, yeah, seriously, he’s just a worthless human being of a main character. And what’s surprising about the total lack of depth in every single character is that Burton’s main interest in life, i.e. the role of outsiders in community, this movie should be a great showcase for that. Watching, it feels like he sort of doesn’t … care. I don’t know. It’s a weird movie.

And then the ending, dear god. So Thane aka Rothmonkey gets in little lost chimp’s pod and goes to Earth and facilitates the genetic engineering of apes then instigates their uprising and then BOOM you got Aperman Lincoln. So.

Is this a remake?

No. No. Patently not. Not even kind of. Nothing happens the same. The characters aren’t the same. It’s not a remake. So… why can’t we have more of those?

If you’re doing a remake, Earth, Right One, every remake of a Japanese horror flick ever released in the US- why not just rip off the idea? Re-appropriate for a different audience, culturally or chronologically. Don’t use the same character names. You’re sure as shit not using the same characters.

I kind of feel obligated to mention that I goddamn love the Wahlbergs. Mark and Donnie- Boogie Nights and Band of Brothers. Respect. See full post