Tuesday, January 6, 2009

90210 Semi-Live Blogging [Loss of 12 Fangirl Points]

One of the many stupid faces made by Shenae Grimes

One of my favorite pastimes has become getting somewhat intoxicated and watching 90210. It's so epically bad that I'm always inspired to live blog it as I watch - even if that live blog happens hours after show has already aired. The strange thing about this show is that it isn't even entertainingly bad, it's just...bad. Things make no sense, the characters are wholly uninteresting and it's an exercise in the worst acting and writing possible. Yet I can't stop watching. Like a train wreck where you just can't look away? Absolutely. In fact, this show is SO awful, none of my friends watch it. Not even the friends who watch trashy reality shows or good CW fare like Gossip Girl. No one. So why do I write this live blog? I have no idea. I suppose it's an outlet to express my frustration over just how offensively bad this program is? Yes, that's it. Got it. One week I'll aim to do an ACTUAL live blog. For the none of you who watch the show, let alone watch it in real time. Gonna go shoot myself now.

Live Blog after the jump

Previously on 90210...oh god, already everything's stupid.

Exposittiiiooonnnn Allleeerrttttt. Omg remember how we went skiing? Omg remember how I hung out with our half brother? Omg.

Are they even trying to act well? Any of them? At all? TRY.

Annie is a huge bitch too. Ick. Shenae Grimes is gross.

MAD TV, what up!

The thoughts in Shenae Grimes' head during this classroom scene - "Look pretty look pretty look pretty, look interested but pretty, interested but pretty"

Black people only go to Beverly if their fathers are in the music business. WOW, 90210.

Everyone's crazy. Everyone is insane.

Fake half brother is a HOTTIE, woah. He says arithmetic funny.

Eyu, he may be hot, but he is your BROTHER (so you think) so STOP fighting over him! Grossssss!

Jessica Lowndes = the best actress on the show

I like that she said Ms Walsh and Ms Taylor instead of Brenda and Kelly. Good work, writers. You get a point!

No family does this. No family plays Pictionary like that. Other games, sure. But no one has an easel and giant pad of paper and giant marker just lying around.

Shenae Grimes needs to stop making so many faces

It's all so predictable

Opening Credits - finally

Fake half brother is clever

Fake half brother is gonna kill Annie

She is suspicious. I can tell because her acting style is from the Captain Obvious school of acting.

Do NOT give him the money, come ON, I call laaaaame

Annie is gonna tell Dixon she has suspicions! Do it! I know you are gonna!

"What do you think about Shawn?" BAM, she did it.

Hasn't Shawn aka fake half brother been here for like a month now? Wouldn't he have made ONE friend? Like, oh, say, Naomi? Getting a call from a local number is not that weird.

Brothers don't kiss sisters on the head. Stop it.

"Probably should have thought of that before you slept with him." Really? REALLY? You went on like ONE date with hot teacher, get over it, kelly!!

I don't know if i buy it, Brenda.

Return of the peach pit!

That giant Dr. Pepper sign on the counter just literally frightened me. Why is it so large?? What's happening??


Come on lady, his wife is right there...

Grown ups on the cw are boring except for lily & rufus

90210 thinks it's being hip by saying "Death Proof."

Adrianna is so pretty!

The director made her gesture towards Kelly & Brenda with her head during the rehab reunion scene. Poor form. Milk was a bad choice.

Stop looking at Kelly while you speak, Brenda. Everyone on this show is OBVIOUSville

Dustin Mulligan sucks. Maybe that's why he had three lines in this episode.

"of Shawn and ME", not "of Shawn and I!" UGH. Come on! Ninth grade grammar!

Um that's SEXUAL. Those are SEXUAL photos. EYU.

And no one talks about her brother like that unless the brother is a baby. "OHMAIGOD LOOKIT HOW CUTE?!"

She just left school to go home. In the middle of the day. Is anyone else noticing this?

This will only be cool if Annie tricks Shawn by trying to sleep with him.

A sponsor wouldn't just walk away like that after revealing that kind of information

Oh this show is...it's doing things...Dixon says he didn't know this many black people live in Beverly Hills.

Dixon is cooler all of a sudden. Literally. I just found him to be not lame for the first time ever.

He is not a smart man, Annie's dad. Not a smart man.

I like what Annie's mom is doing right now with the acting

Shawn pulled a Memento, big time.

Come on Annie, don't be fooled!

Okay so he is in on it with the PI. Got it! Shady PI.

HIV tests have same day results? I thought those took two weeks. I mean, they do. It takes 2 weeks. Not an hour. ARrgghh.

DOCTORS. NO! THAT! No, that's not how that would happen. She would at least ask her into another room instead of being like "P.S. you're pregnant! Since you're 16 I can totally say it in front of everyone, that won't be awkward for you or anything." omgomg NOTHING MAKES SENSE IN REALITY ON THIS SHOW

Aw just when Adrianna got to stop crying, buhh

Good actress

I'm scared too! Like Annie! Listen to the stupid Canadian girl!

Paternity Test should ALWAYS happen before giving money away, yes, obviously, duh, helloooo, but oh yeah, reality doesn't apply here, got it

"you shock me" ?? seriously?? what does that even mean?


OMG SHE'S A LESBIAN. ROCK. did NOT see that coming

i didn't pay attention to that scene. what just happened? oh, kelly and brenda, yes

So it was in fact about Dixon not knowing how to be black and not wanting to tell Silver. Wow.

He IS gonna kill her, TOLD YOU

Okay, maybe not


He is one creepy motherfucker

Is he gone? He is so gone. Knew it.

Navid is gonna know you called, silly Adrianna. Missed call.

Why leave Annie & Naomi alone together? They hate each other. Oh, so this dumb scene can happen.

Bad Acting 101.

How is this Annie's fault?

This show sucks

For an actual recap, check out LAist's always hilarious commentary by clicking here.