Saturday, May 1, 2010

Freakin' Twilight

Okay, back at Wondercon, this thing happened with Twilight, so you already know it's going to be ridiculous. What happened was, some footage for Twilight: Twiharder or whatever the next one is called was shown during Trailer Park. Half the audience screamed with pure swooning adulation that swelled with the kind of hormonal dissonance that makes chandeliers crumble into sand. The other, predominantly male half booed, more in reaction to the excited audience members than the footage itself. A high profile blogger even commented on the latter reaction and the studio representatives' cringing responses to it backstage, although he left out the bit about the squealing. So, if you weren't at Trailer Park, you might have read this and been like, "Woah, Twilight takes a hit!"

Well, no, Twilight didn't take a hit. The only way Twilight would take a hit is if they recast Larry David in the role of the main sparkly vampire with the hair. This event is in no way indicative of how Twilight is doing with its fans or within the world of the conventions. All this is indicative of is that fanboys like to harass fangirls, which I'm pretty sure we've all known since 2nd grade. The more things change, the more they remain the same.

Really, if anything, this story is kind of awesome, because it shows that there were enough LADIES in the audience to even provoke a response from the male contingency. And at Trailer Park, no less, not even a Twilight panel, or Polly Pocket or whatever the hell else it is is being marketed at us girls these days.

God, I hated Polly Pocket. Anyway.

My roommate loves Twilight. Well, okay, my roommate loves Taylor Lautner's abdominals, and the most expedient way for her to get her fix is to watch Twilight (or look at her computer's background image). I'm not going to judge her for this. Much. I suck down the True Blood novels like oxygen, I'm not about to start pointing fingers. I'm not going to judge what someone loves on the quality of the writing or production values, on the casting or the demographic to which it's being marketed. I really don't have a problem with Twilight on any of those levels. High vampire romance with a lycanthropic element? Yes, please. No, my problem with Twilight is that the protagonist is useless. But there are a trillion articles you can read on this, though I would most fervently recommend Cleolinda's Twilight extrapolations over at her livejournal.

Kevin Smith once said:

How dare you pass judgement on those twelve year old girls who like vampires? They need to be encouraged because in six years they'll be eighteen year old girls who like vampires... don't poo poo it, it's- there's a plan, and it's working.

And he has a point. So what needs to happen, really, is Dark Horse needs to publish an ashcan 1-shot comic that chronicles the love affair of Buffy and Angel. Then they need to distribute it, for free, to the line waiting to get into Hall H for Twilight. Then they need to hire teams and send them to theaters when the lines start forming for the next movie's midnight screenings, and hand them out again. Because Buffy is what these girls are going to need once Twilight is over. Buffy is going to be their portal to becoming real people.

The Chosen one will guide the way.