90210 Semi-Live Blogging Episode 13 [Loss of 12 Fangirl Points]

Oh hai! I i can has zero body fat?

This week's episode of 90210 continues the show's tradition of trying my patience. Joining me for tonight's semi-live blog are my roommates, Jen and lower case ATF contributor, david. Maybe I should feel guilty for forcing them to watch such drivel but...nah, I don't.

So it begins....

__________________

Eyu eyu eyu they are all eyu

Annie & Blando talk about the weather. Literally. Shenae Grimes and Dustin Mulligan are such bad actors that it makes my soul hurt. Also. Good night? Isn't it daytime? Did I just miss something? They did say good night, right? And it is light outside, yeah? Hrm.

YOU DON'T SAY I LOVE YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME OVER THE PHONE STOP

Oh my god I hate Shenae

david doesn't understand why Lucille Bluth is anywhere near this disaster

Annie hunches when she kisses. Blech.

david is offended that there is a cover of a Robyn song playing and thinks Jessica Stroup is cute

Ethan & Annie. Worst. TV. Couple. Ever. Enter Dixon & Silver. Make that the two worst tv couples ever. Borringggg.

Silver is PISSED at Dixon for ... Annie and Dixon being all lovey dovey? I don't get it.

Naomi needs to shut the hell up

Field Hockey? Really? I went to high school in LA...we didn't play field hockey...just putting that out there

david asks who "that awful awful woman is". He means Naomi. Obviously.

Naomi is gonna think Adrianna is using again and tell everyone and be lame. BAD friend alert.

Everyone's a bitch and david concludes that Naomi is the worst character yet

Naomi is an unprecedented level of awful

Stop kissing!!! It's actually offensive.

Joining the choir isn't a lame thing in affluent los angeles high schools, by the way. Like, not even remotely. Who is writing this show? Where did they go to high school? I demand answers!!!

Also, school has never been canceled for a heat wave in BEVERLY HILLS. The dead of the desert, sure. The valley even! Sure! But BEVERLY HILLS? In winter?! No. 12 years. I went to school in LA for 12 years. It IS often hot out there when freezing on the East Coast. But...they just take everything too far past reality. And not in that fun, smart way Gossip Girl does. Oh, how it all annoys me so.

Grandma gets Annie a car. ... ... Um. Why, exactly? Is it her birthday? Is there a reason? No? Oh okay, great, moving on.

Tranny Train Wreck is an idiot. Oh, p.s. Tranny Train Wreck is david's new nickname for Naomi.

SHENAEJUSTMAKESFACESANDSQUEAKS

I miss Arrested Development

OBVIOUSLY Shenae Grimes has her belly button pierced

If it's that hot in Los Angeles, Palm Springs is a TERRIBLE idea

Oh, and don't forget to drink Dr. Pepper, guys.

Ah - apparently Silver is pissed cause Dixon hasn't said I love you yet. Gag.

"You are my mother, she is my wife." Haha okay, that made me laugh

Wow. On a swing set, yet

david decides Naomi is a furiously demented version of Hermione

And also an idiot

"I think this guy named Hank who I know from rehab." Yup. She said that.

Palm Springs. Where we can be alone and die from heat exhaustion.

"Go to palm springs" = "have a lot of dirty sex." Kthx.

We all hate Naomi more than we can even comprehend

Was this shot in the Frank Lloyd Wright house I frequented as a rebellious teenager?

Please don't be so skinny, Silver.

Silver doesn't listen to me and proceeds to be way too skinny

Silver demonstrates how "hip" she is again (Remember last weeks Grindhouse bit?) by referencing Gaudi

Is that Twilight's Emmett?

"He's a total sponge." Totally. Good one, Naomi.

Isn't it weird that the grown-ups are the only source of humor that is intentional, not inadvertent?

Jessica Stroup just got REALLY lame in that ad for Confessions of a Shopaholic. Wow.

They are putting off the sexy times. This is boring.

"I'm ready." YOU ARE SO BAD, STOP IT. Also, the writing is terrible. So that doesn't help.

I wanna know what that Blended thought!

People don't talk like that before sex. She makes me angry. Lookit how tiny she is! Eyu! It's like he is making out with a little kid!

Don't do it don't do it don't do it

THEY'RE NOT DOING IT. YES! Her stupid talk gave him pause!

"Too late. You just did." BURN. Okay, that fight blew up rather quickly...None of that made any sense. We're all in agreement here, right?

Everyone thinks Adrianna is back on drugs. Hilarious! Navid must defend her honor. Fightfightfightfightfight! omg, FIGHTS IN ARABIAN CABANAS!

Adrianna's confession and Navid's reaction = the only moment of dramatic tension this show has ever had. Ever.

Annie & Ethan sleeping apart. It's not sweet. Cause they hate each other. That's why they are sleeping apart. It's actually kind of sad.

Anyway, way to be REALLY CREEPY, parents.

Pink pillars of light. Nope. Why.

Silver doesn't love Dixon! NICE. They totally faked us out! Okay, but then the fight escalates way too quickly. 90210 is like Revolutionary Road in that way. Also, SHE KNOCKED OVER HIS SAND CASTLE CAUSE SUDDENLY SHE'S FIVE.

They have SCHOOL today?! And they're in PALM SPRINGS? WHY would someone EVER drive to PALM SPRINGS on a SCHOOL NIGHT. I I I I I can't.

Navid's a good actor. Aw I feel bad for everyone now. And by everyone, I mean Navid & Adrianna. I don't actually give a shit about anyone else.

Dixon engages in passive aggression. Always a good relationship move. I'll let them get away with it cause teenagers tend to suck at dating in that way. This brings 90210's total to two points. (As you may remember, they got one last week for that "Ms Taylor" business.)

Lucille gets the part! Huzzah!

Naomi's hair is always stupid. Even when it's normal. Still stupid.

Shenae Grimes & Dustin Mulligan make me see the worst in people

I just don't think Dustin Mulligan has it in him, I'm gonna say it. I just don't think he has it.

They look like kissing hunchbacks

That episode was stupid. Bedtime!