Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Someone Shoot Me Now. American Idol Top 11 Recap!

For tonight's show, Fox decided to confuse me by making me think it was "Teen Idol" week, when really it was "Bilboard Hits" week. Perhaps a last ditch effort to try and force every contestant to be relevant, only to end up with everyone being so far from relevant (or...good) that I wanted to smash my television? I mean, JESUS. How much did we all yearn for Adam Lambert tonight? Or Kris Allen? Or Allison Iraheta, Matt Giraud, David Cook, Jason Castro, ANYONE BUT THESE PEOPLE? Let's start the recap so I still have time to rewatch Lost before bed. You know. To force away the nightmares I'll otherwise no doubt experience thanks to tonight's wholly lackluster episode of Idol. Ugh.

Lee Dewyze - The Letter by the Boxtops
Yes to horns and no guitar this week. Stepping outside of his box, I see. Coming out of his shell a little bit. Not sure about the pairing of his voice with this song. Not the best he's ever sounded. But he's officially grown on me. A SMILE! I like it when he smiles. More of that please! He's looking good. We observe that he perhaps doesn't have the same stage presence as other people. Much better in an intimate setting, he is. But I find him much more attractive now. a big plus.
Randy - Knocked it out of the box
Ellen - Felt like she was losing her favorite pen last week, but now it's back
Kara - He raised the bar for himself. He looks more comfortable on stage now. (This is true.) Tremendous progress. (Also true.)
Simon - Really surprised by song choice. That was not a recording performance, but was Lee doing something quite corny. Sounded good, but missed the point of Simon saying he needs a moment, didn't define him as a contemporary artist. Kara emphasizes that at least he is getting better.

The rest after the jump!

Paige Miles - Against All Odds by Phil Collins
Ehhh eyuuu why are you singing this? This is a going home song. Don't take it on unless you can rock it. She's worried she's gonna be pitchy.
She's flat more so than pitchy. Eyuck. This is terrible. Can this end now? When she gets into her power zone, she sounds great. But you need to sound great all around. Oh no. Power zone power failure. The song is bigger than her, she is drowning. Why the hell did she pick this song? Uuckk. She's about to get ripped apart.
Randy - Awkward. "That was honestly terrible." He says a lot of "woahs"
Ellen - Gives her props for not falling down and looking stunning. Refuses to comment on the music
Kara - Thinks she stopped competing and stopped listening to what they were saying. She shouldn't have taken on a song that bad. Worst vocal from her and possibly of the season
Simon - Asks Paige how she thinks she did. Paige says she struggled with it, it was pitchy and she had trouble finding herself, but had fun doing it. Says it was like there were 5 of her singing that song and it got progressively worse. She is gonna be in serious trouble.


Tim Urban - Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen
Miley wants to do him. Just a side note. "It's gonna be a good performance." Miley says. Is it though?
Tim's attractive. And hiding behind the mic. He sounds fine. Which is still not worthy of Idol. But sounding good for him. Doesn't know what to do with the stage. Does a slide to the camera. Cause why not, I guess. He's going for it, gotta give that to him. Upping the sex appeal. He wants votes from the teenage girls. He's trying out being a teen idol. It's kinda cute. I'm not entirely offended him for the first time ever. He has no range. That was cute enough. No business being on American Idol, but yes, he's pretty.
Randy - Singing competition and should be wowing with their voices. Dopest thing he did was the slide, boring vocals, wondered what show it was. Like karaoke.
Ellen - Felt like an audition for High School Musical. Corny, pushed too hard. Large group of people who will love that performance. She didn't love it so much.
Kara - Ellen hit the nail on the head. Zac Efron in Hairspray. (Hah! My friend asks "What's wrong with that?") He didn't change up the melodies, he's not at the place where he can grab at the audience yet. He acted like he had already made it and he has a lot of work to do.
Simon - He doesnt think sliding around was the problem cause it distracted from the song so he understands why he did that. Problem was it was completely and utterly pointless and silly. ZING. Doesnt think he is taking part in the contest. Zero chance of winning unless he starts taking singing lessons and gets his act together and becomes temporary and relevant. Two weeks with silly silly song choices.

Tim says he wanted to pick a fun song and move around. Thanks Tim. That was enlightening.

Aaron Kelly - I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith
Ryan does a really awkward bit. I will spare you. Aaron says he has a crush on Miley. Because he still thinks he likes girls for the time being. Awe. Kinda sweet. Prediction! - he doesn't change the song at all whatsoever.
His voice is nice. This is true. Did he remove the word "babe" from the song? Seems like he is struggling, but he did say he has laryngitis. Sounds good. Once again, not anyone I would ever listen to ever. But he sounds pretty good despite the sickness. And despite the fact that he's ultimately just kind of lame.
Randy - Wasn't perfect, some pitch things, but thank god he came on the stage and started singing, cause Tim & Paige didn't. He likes him & he's really talented. "I'm a fan."
Ellen - Perfect song choice. He's great.
Kara - Best song choice of the night. Says he knows how to pick a song to accentuate his country twang. Vocals weren't perfect, she knows why. She wants more stage presence.
Simon - Very brave. Making himself old fashioned, but there is zero chance he is gonna go home.

Crystal Bowersox - Me And Bobby Mcgee by Janis Joplin
Authentic. She sounds great. It's a slightly different take on the song and she sounds great. Sure, she could you know, not use the guitar sometime, but whatever, she's real, she's confident, she's talented as all hell, and she could kick the ass of anyone who performed before her. Like, in a bar fight. And also on this show. Plus she looks pretty & delightfully hippie-tastic.
Randy - That's what's called being a star, that's the way you do it, you come out you slay it, it's in your heart, that's what it's about, I'm so happy, she's what it's about
Ellen - Happy she sang it, nothing wrong with the performance, consistent. Missing a bit of personality, a little bit of something between her and the audience, take it all in. Crystal says she has big plans for next week if she's still here
Kara - Seemed freer this week, like she was thinking less. Enjoyed seeing her smile and move more. Wants her to put guitar down. Crystal repeats that she has big plans for next week :)
Simon - Wouldn't change a thing. Randy chimes in that he wouldn't either. Simon says it's been a karaoke competition up until she got on stage. Just as good as Pink's cover. Took a song, nailed it, and the only gimmick is a carpet.

Ryan and Crystal proceed to sit on a carpet square and be awesome. It's what a lot of classic 60s folk singers used to rock and is completely and totally fitting for the Mamasox.

Michael Lynche - When A Man Loves A Woman
The best mentor video of the night. Mike was the first (and only?) person to sing directly to Miley. After one line, she said "I'm falling in love with you." When he finished, she said "I'm in love with you." OMG Adorbz.
As for the performance? Fantastic, I loved it. I don't care if it's corny cause he CAN PULL IT OFF CAUSE OF HIS VOICE hello, one of the only ones who can! I can take corny in the form of Big Mike, okay? It's his thing and I can take it. Plus at the end of the song he did a harken back to his Maxwell hit, which was cool, like a reprise in the musical that is Michael Lynche's American Idol journey
Randy - Not his best, but is always himself every time he hits the stage and he loved it
Ellen - Felt like it was a safe choice, amazing tone and loves him
Kara - Technically really good, but a little boring and loungey and overindulgent, (disagree) but still loves him
Simon - It's like you want one scoop of ice cream but got 11 (dis.a.gree). Would have had it just be him and a piano (agree). Thought he should have made the old school song relevant, not loungey. But has tons of charisma and a great voice. Calls Ryan out on interrupting them last week.

Andrew Garcia - Heard it Through The Grapeline by Marvin Gay
Great song choice I think at first. I think Miley is giving him bad advice about working the stage, we'll see.
This is strange. I don't know what genre this is but it's way too cheesy. Doesn't matter if he sounds good.Which I'm not even sure he does. Did he just do the moonwalk? Blech. Forgettable.With a different arrangement, could have been great. God this guy makes me sad.
Randy - It wasn't good. (Andrew seems to know) Not the kind of vocal he is (Andrew seems high?)
Ellen - Not enough to get people on board. Wasnt fantastic. Not a good song choice. (disagree, could have been great choice if he did it differently)
Kara - Seems confused like he doesnt know what to do up there.
Simon - In hindsight, maybe they overrated his Straight Up performance. He's had enough time to sort it out. Miley gave him good advice, but the arrangement was horrific and he sucked the soul out of that song. He doesnt know who he is as an artist

Seems like Simon hates him! Jesus! Andrew says he just wanted to have fun. He's leaving us VERY soon

Katie Stevens - Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie
I hate the word Fergie. This maybe would be cool if she did something different with it, but it sounds just like Fergie's version. At least it fits her voice well. Comes across way older, but maybe that's her thing. Still reminds me of Jordin Sparks, one of the weaker Idol winners, but with not as good of a voice. Sounds strained in the chorus. One of her more comfortable performances. Seems made for Disney. Still just doesn't sound great. "Almost there" says one of our watchers. This younger look is better, says another. I agree with both.
Randy - Not her best and was a little sharp all over the place, but happy she listened to them. Picked a younger song & outfit. Listening.
Ellen - Best performance so far. Great. Looks great. Evolving. Dakotah Fanning on American Idol
Kara - This is the lane for her, pop with r&b leaning. Moved like she felt the song, was a different Katie. Still has mad pitch issues, but these types of songs are where she belongs.
Simon - Meeting Miley Cyrus was best thing that could happen to her. Similar age, big career. Looks great. Not sure he believes her in that vein yet, and still wants her to do country.

Ryan makes things awkward again by suggesting Miley & Katie be friends. Yeah. They're not hanging out, Ryan.

Casey James - Power of Love by Huey Lewis
Ohmygodhe'ssohot. Uh oh. Is he gonna use the stage? Uh oh. I'm nervous. Casey says he is a big fan of Miley's dad. She is taken aback. It is awesome. Miley tells him to look at the audience.
I couldn't type anything during the performance because it made me smile so much. We think maybe he should have changed the arrangement, but I love that song and I loved his performance. Not just because he's cute, OKAY? OKAY FINE MAYBE BECAUSE HE'S CUTE SHHH. But at least he's cute and talented. Swoonz.
Randy -Best musician ever had on air. Wasnt fan of the song choice, but he definitely did it well, Randy believed it
Ellen - Not a fan of the song choice, but best vocal of the night, sounded great
Kara - On another level, ready to make an album with the right songs. In a zone, stay in it.
Simon - Not personal, but that song was old fashioned, and he didn't make it current. Like listening to an 80s cover band, no effort, no originality. Offers that maybe it's just him, cause he's English. Kara argues that he did make it current and Randy reiterates that he was great.

Casey says please vote and it's cute and we're getting married on Sunday

Didi Benami - You're No Good by Linda Ronstadt
Nervous cause the song is a bit of a challenge. Asks Miley is she gets nervous when she's going on stage. Miley says yes and Didi feels happy. Awe.
Cool voice. Flirts with the bass player! She seems super confident and looks amazing and I love her. This is a REALLY modern version of this song, sounds like Amy Winehouse could be doing a cover of it. This is AWESOME.
Randy - Loves the idea of it, but thought it was pitchy all over the place (disagree)
Ellen - Didn't think it was the right song choice (disagree)
Kara - Felt like she was playing a character. (thought that made it more fun) Left her confused
Simon - Irony screaching you're no good over and over again. Bad part of the musical. Didnt sound like it was her.
Didi says she was just trying something different and wanted to have fun. She's so cute I love her. We decide the judges were not being fair cause her vocal was actually quite good.

Siobhan and the Ghostbusters Demon. Just saying.

Siobhan Magnus- Superstition by Stevie Wonder
Siobhan admits she's "rocked out" to Miley Cyrus. And thinks it's "wicked cool" that Miley says her voice has swagger. Siobhan is so weird, it's awesome.
The same arrangement as the song, which is annoying, but DAMN her voice is awesome. Someone here thinks she looks like the demon from Ghostbusters 1. Her voice is so good ahhh I love it. She's so fun, I love her.
Randy - Always so excited to see her. She's so fearless. He's happy she sung that song, He loved it, she went for it, so much conviction, should inspire all of the kids
Ellen - To quote Oliver, more please. you're just so good, I love you
Kara - Express yourself every time you perform, more comfortable on stage than anywhere else in life. Amazing end note.
Simon - Gonna be a real split on this one. Singing with the screaming on the end, maybe reverse it, start with screaming at the beginning, but didnt hit those notes as well as she's done before. Gotta start making themselves relevant - a note for everyone

What we learned: When Miley Cyrus is your guest mentor and Ryan Seacrest is your host, there will be awkward moments aplenty, this season of American Idol continues to be nowhere near as good or relevant as seasons 7 or 8 and Casey James is hotter than Tim Urban.

Top three:

( last week's top three...)

Bottom three:

 (Well what do you know! Pretty much last week's. This season isn't totally predictable or anything.)

Going home: PAIGE. Maybe Andrew. But. Paige.

One of us points out that Aaron Kelly SHOULD be the worst one on the show, that's the level the talent should be on. But it's not. So. That's dumb. RANK

1. Crystal B+
2. Siobhan B+
3. Casey B+
4. Mike B
5. Didi B
6. Lee B-
7. Aaron B-
8. Katie C
9. Tim C-
10. Andrew D+
11. Paige F