90210 Semi-Live Blogging "A Trip To The Moon" [Loss of 12 Fangirl Points]

Previously on 90210

Jasper is dealing drugs to Adrianna! Who saw that coming? Oh, everyone? Cool.

Jen tells Hot Sleepy Teacher that Liam hit on her cause she's a stupid whore. Hey. Call em like I see em.

Dixon's fake-baby momma, (who we refer to as Pretty Statutory Rape Girl over here at All Things Fangirl) told him she had a miscarriage so he wouldn't know she was crazy. Debbie decided to let him keep believing this cause she's a bad mom.

Liam & Ivy totally make out. Finally after a whole one episode of sexual tension, I couldn't take it anymore! /sarcasm

Onto this week's episode!


Season 2, Episode 9, A Trip To The Moon

Dixon is playing a video game with headphones on. We get to hear what he is hearing, including his dad attempting to talk to him. I approve of this sound effect & want to go to there.

Harry tells Dixon that because he is the principal, he got Dixon back on the surfing team! Oh yeah, Dixon got kicked off the surfing team. I forgot because I care so much.

Harry claims these special privileges are okay because there were special circumstances....you mean the special circumstances of Dixon being a lying idiot who didn't use protection?

DEBBIE, TELL DIXON THAT PSRG LIED. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU.

Debbie insists again that we need to "trust" her. This can only mean one thing. This episode will deal with how Debbie cannot be trusted. Thanks for hitting me over the head with that, 90210, otherwise I wouldn't understand what's going on!

Oh great, Silver's boring storyline is back.

Silver tells her mom what her cancer schedule is for like, a full three minutes. We contemplate fast forwarding through it after about 30 seconds.

Did Silvers mom just become a robot? Or am I really that stoned & bored that I just projected my feelings onto her. Anyone else just notice how creepy that was?

Robot.

Naomi wants to throw Silver a party but Silver says she has too much to worry about with her mom. Silver is getting on my nerves in a very intense way.

Adrianna's hair isn't done! CLUE. Totally on drugs. Again. Thanks 90210 for that tip. You're so deep.

No side bangs = Totally on drugs. Rule #1.

Wait. Did Naomi just say "half-birthday?" This is over Silver's half birthday?

Are Ivy & Liam at the"I'm acting like your girlfriend" stage already?! We met her TWO EPISODES AGO. This show flys through relationships WAY too quickly. Ruins the fun.

TEDDY IS WEARING A SWEATER OVER HIS SHOULDERS

Offensive

Ohhh, half-birthday means something important to Silver. Got it. Ah! It's related to her mom being a drunk! It all comes full boring circle.

Yeah, Silver flirting with Teddy? BAD idea.

Jasper confronts Navid for telling Annie he's a drug dealer. Jasper insists that he isn't a drug dealer & tells Navid to check his sources if he's such a good reporter. Uhhhhh. Jasper's really going out of his way to caught in a huge lie. I mean. Dude. You're GONNA get caught. You're selling to his ex-girlfriend and challenged him to check his sources. Are you a complete idiot?!!?

Opening Credits

The rest after the jump!


Incomprehensible Los Angeles traffic speak from Annie & Jasper. I tune out.

Jasper's dad is famous? Did I miss that? Then everyone would all over him. He wouldn't be an outcast. What's happening in this scene?

Ivy, Teddy, Dixon and Liam wait in the longest lunch line ever while they wonder why Liam is being such a dick. Why is this line not moving? Ivy cuts it cause she waits for NO ONE.

Aaaand Teddy is STILL wearing that god damn sweater. Dude. Cease & desist.

Who DOES that?!

Eyu does Teddy think he & Silver are flirting and then he is gonna try something and she is gonna be like, "what's wrong with you, we're just friends" and he's gonna be like "But I did all that for you and your mom!" and she's gonna say "yeah cause you're my friend" and he's like "no, cause I wanna sleep with you." and then I'll laugh and laugh?

Jasper sells Adrianna drugs. Navid SEES IT. Caught. That didn't take very long.

We pause 90210 to talk about how great Gossip Girl is. Literally. And now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Teddy treats Silver's mom like I treat the 9 year olds I nanny for. She has cancer, she's not 4.

Adrianna has druggie face eyes!

Aw druggie face eyes, how I've missed you.

Rick Rosenthal (director of Halloween II and tonight's episode of 90210) is a big fan of constantly moving shots. None of the frames are still. Haha it's making me giggle. This entire scene is nothing but the camera zooming in closer & closer on Adrianna & Navid. I don't even know what's happening cause I can't stop laughing.

DIXON, stop wearing those silly hats.

I thought we were past this

Dixon needs to go check on PSRG. Debbie realizes she has to tell him the truth. Finally, jebus, took you long enough

...
Debbie says she didn't want him to know cause she didn't want Dixon to feel like a fool "and not trust women."
...
Except, he SHOULDN'T trust women who aren't trustworthy. Like Crazy PSRG. Now, maybe, he'll know the signs for next time. Even though there were no signs cause the show didn't decide she was crazy until one episode ago.

Jasper & Annie read through a scene. I can't tell when they stop reading it & start acting for real. It creeps me out.

Does Jasper ACTUALLY like Annie or not? I'm so confuuuused.

ANNIE DROPS THE L BOMB. TOO SOON, ANNIE. TOO SOON.

Jasper replies "I wanted to be the one who said it first" , but looks like he's gonna slap her afterwards. Creepy fuck.

If that's what your boyfriend's face is like when he's confessing his love - time to walk away

He's still manipulating her, right?

Navid confronts Jasper about selling to Adrianna. Jasper lies his way out of it. Damn. Jasper's a good liar. Annie is so fucked.

Teddy is such a galumph. That's the only sound I hear when I see him. Galumph galumph.

Liam is such a dick when he is in a bad mood! Unattractive. I'd no longer be attracted to him if I was Ivy.

When the hell did the cancer-ridden mother have time to do all this? Oh...the nurses helped? Yeah, sure, not like they have anything better to do...

Not to mention, that would have cost a fortune! Oh, Teddy paid for it. Uh oh. No such thing as a free lunch, Silver.

Double the old school arcade machines = double the sexytimes

Dixon says he can't trust Debbie! Surprise surprise!

"It's not like she's my real mom" Oh shit just got REAL

Why is everyone on this show such an asshole?

Sillverr borrinnggg

Jessica Stroup cries on cue. I dont know why cause I'm only half paying attention to this storyline.

Silver's mom is totally gonna die on her half birthday. I don't think you NEED to be this predictable, 90210.

I like that Teddy is only kind of an asshole. He's never been like, a DICK, has he? Brushing Adrianna off was more just...an oversight/misunderstanding, he wasn't trying to hurt her. Cause Galumph's aren't mean guys, just kind of stupid & inconsiderate.

I thought Ivy was kneeling down to pounce on Liam, superhero style. That was cool.

See her kneeling down? Yeah, this would be less lame if I knew how to make gifs. Agreed.

Liam finally tells someone about lying evil Jen! Jesus! It's about time! Are they gonna get revenge on Jen, Gossip Girl style? Ah hah! Yes they are. Cause that's what underdeveloped best friends are for.

Liam says he slept with Jen. Dixon feels bad. Yeah, asshole Dixon, your sister wasn't lying, Loser.

They are. High fiving. Over their revenge plot. Take a cue from Blair Waldorf. Has she EVER high fived anyone? No. Because PEOPLE DON'T DO THAT.

Liam doesn't understand what's going on

Jasper is sketching pictures of Annie under water? Is he planning on drowning her?

Dealbreaker

We start worrying that Sasha actually is pregnant and we're gonna have to endure more of this storyline...oh god no, please don't do that. I can see the scene now. 90210 Writer #1: "What if she actually IS pregnant?!" 90210 Writer #2: "Genius! No one will see it coming! We are so clever."

Jasper is so CREEPY. Is he trying to take Annie's virginity so then he can crush her even more? Is this a really elaborate, really long con?

Annie's wearing a little kids bra. Although it's true most girls aren't wearing sexy lingerie all of the time. So I appreciate this.

Regular Day Bra. Accurate.

So Ivy & Liam have continued "having fun" and we haven't seen it? That sucks. I like it when we see every important moment, every bit of development in a relationship. Like Buffy did. Siiiigh. 90210 WHY DO YOU DEVELOP NO RELATIONSHIPS?!?!

Continuing to not hate Rumer Willis. Will let you know if/when this changes.

Annie copies the phrase "Me too, I love you" from her phone's stored phrases and sends it to Jasper. Um.

How often does she say this to people?!

Dixon apologizes to Annie, but Annie is a bitch to him. Well, can't say she hasn't been provoked. Dixon should be on his knees groveling for putting Annie threw that shit.

Adrianna turns on the waterworks & makes up a story to Naomi about how she was robbed when really, she used the money for drugs. Oh Adrianna, you're a good liar too. It makes me sad.

Guilt is a bitch, Adrianna. Have fun with that.

Teddy calls Silver at midnight so he can be the "First person to wish you a happy half birthday" - Yeah. He's hooked.

At least he's no longer wearing that god damn sweater

Silver's mom. Dead. Called it.

Aaaand scene. Til next week!