Just kidding: we totally would have. The good thing about going to the arts school within a large university is the lax requirements once you fulfill your Freshman obligations. Simply, papers are for suckers. You hear that, Chris Stahl, teacher of Writing The Essay? Suckers!
Muse: Lax requirements once you finish your Freshmen year obligations? I turned in my ITS paper Freshman year weeks after school ended, from the comfort of my Los Angeles home, and STILL got an A in the class. No joke. Now back to your regularly scheduled program...
Season 3 might have started slow for the former Constance Gossips, but now that Georgina is out of the way and Blair has expanded her rule over the couple’s formally shared dorm, the Queen B is back to trying to be queen, this time by giving a toast at the Parent’s Week dinner.
Her first reality obstacle? Such a toast doesn’t exist. But at least the inaccuracies lead us to a good old hidden microphone gag that worked pretty well, because it derailed the reality train around the time Vanessa started lying even though Olivia would have totally let her give the toast.
The idiocy of Vanessa is like the first yellow leaf in fall: the show is getting back into its rhythm where Vanessa and Dan are dumb as rocks, Blair and Chuck mix loving with fighting and no one gives a shit about Nate or Serena’s plotlines.
Season 3, Episode 6: “Enough About Eve”
We Went To NYU: 2003-2007
On Gossip Girl:
Jenny brings in the “NYU paper” that has a cover story on Vanessa who Dan says is a “shoe in” to give the toast at the Freshman dinner on Parents Weekend.
JESUS! Where to start with this one? First off: NYU’s school paper is NOT called The Village Spctator, it called The Washington Square News. Second, the News is a daily publication, not a weekly one like the fake Spectator. Third: this is October and Vanessa has a cover story?
NYU’s first day of class this year was on September 8th, and – like previous Gossip Girl events – their faux Parent’s Weekend is pretty damn close to this episode's air time. Except Parent’s Weekend at real NYU is a single Saturday, not a whole weekend. This year it was Saturday October 17th, the Saturday before the episode aired.
The Spectator is a weekly publication, so it was issued between the 12th and 16th of October. Being it’s a student newspaper, we can assume that – at best – their reporting takes a week for a cover story. That means in 31 days Vanessa has done enough to warrant a cover story. BULL. SHIT.
Convenient pausing and reading of blurry and small words reveals that Vanessa has already been the “ringleader” in unionizing the dining hall servers and has been “instrumental” in making the dorms Green friendly. That’s right, we paused and squinted.
Do you know how hard it is to unionize at NYU? President John Sexton does not like it. The entire time we were at NYU there were clashes between the University and the grad students wanting to re-negotiate their United Auto Workers union contracts. The whole thing would have been funny if the two groups didn’t go through the same fight every six years.
Da7e: You know how long it took me to get into the Washington Square News? 2 years. And even then, I was just part of a story that one of my friends wrote and the article was in the middle of a Wednesday paper. I got my picture in it, which was nice, but the picture isn’t replicated in the web version. I see now that the issue was distributed on 4/20 of 2005, so that explains why I don’t have a copy lying around. I was doing massive bong rips somewhere.
Muse: I never made it into the Washington Square News, but my friend Alex had a photo of himself published during his Freshman year! But don't get too excited. His friend who worked for the paper needed a photo of two men with their arms around each other, from the behind, for an article about gay life at NYU. THAT's how Freshman get in the WSN, Gossip Girl.
On Gossip Girl:
Blair and her new Mean Girls read the fictional newspaper walking through their dorm hall.
What the hell is going on with this hallway? First they moved everyone in, then they painted the hallway and now there seems to be some sort of “hang any shit you want on our walls” policy in place.
Whomever the RA of this floor is (fingers crossed that it’s someone attractive enough to sex up one of our Gossips in the future) is really letting the kids run wild with the posters and stuff. We don’t think it’s technically against the rules to have this much clutter, but this is a state school level of poster crap.
On Gossip Girl:
Blair seems to have quickly forgotten Georgina was ever there.
First of all, Blair continues to be the #1 violator of the “no outside upholstered furniture” rule for NYU dorms (see our corrections for The Lost Boy). It also looks like she’s been doing some wiring to the dorm with that wall-mounted lamp. None of this is as big of an oversight as a simple fact of NYU housing: Freshmen rarely get singles. Someone would have been moved in by now.
Muse: Sophomore year, my first roommate left for second semester to go abroad. They replaced her with this very sweet girl actually named Olivia. But then she switched out when she got into one of the sororities, (which only take up 10% of NYU by the way) so I was left with a single for basically an entire semester. I bought a futon. It was amazing. But again, that was Sophomore year. At Water Street. A single for this long, complete with outside furniture, would NEVER fly in a Freshman dorm.
On Gossip Girl:
Mr. Ellis, the Alumni Liaison controls who gives the Freshman Toast.
Who the hell is this guy? It doesn’t piss us off much that Mr. Ellis doesn’t make any sense because the toast and the dinner are as fake as he is, but – WHAAAAA?
It doesn’t help that the Spectator refers to him as Dean Ellis, even though he’s totally the guy that is calling us and asking for Alumni donations even though we’ve only been graduated for two years.
Da7e: If anyone who works at NYU’s Alumni Services is reading this, I want them to know that I don’t intend to donate to NYU until I know I can pay my rent every month. I already paid for that damn diploma-looking piece of paper with your official seal on it. I think you owe me a job.
Muse: My favorite part of this? The same actor then appeared as a college student in like, a Verizon commercial or some shit, the next night during 90210. So I ask again, too young to be a Dean at NYU? Yes. This guy would TOTALLY be that jerk-off asking me for more money I don't have, not running the non-existent Freshman Dinner.
On Gossip Girl:
Vanessa’s bitchy mom doesn’t believe in private universities.
Does this mean Vanessa has a full ride? During our tenure at NYU we met people who went there because their parents wanted them to, not so many went to spite their folks. Call us crazy, but anyone that wants to go over $200,000 in debt to rib their parents might as well just off them in the night by blowing out the pilot light on the stove.
Muse: Who goes to NYU to spite their parents?! As we've established, it's a private university, which means it costs A SHIT-TON OF MONEY. They should really address how in the hell Vanessa is a student here if her parents aren't helping her with money or co-signing a loan.
On Gossip Girl:
Vanessa’s mom: “I don’t worship at the alter of shallow Hollywood celebrities. Apparently your school does.”
Guilty. Though, to be fair, NYU likes celebrities because they have a lot of money. Money NYU wants and can usually felch out of a C-List alum
Da7e: I just thought I’d mention that my spell check doesn’t recognize the word “felch.” It has some A2M learning to do.
On Gossip Girl:
Plotlines collide at the Parent’s Week Freshman Dinner.
While trying to look up the reality of Parent’s Weekend, we discovered that each school within NYU has its own schedule of Parent’s Day events. Choosing random schools and reading through the planned activities with names like “Jewish Life on Campus and The Millennial Generation” made immediately obvious that no dinner was involved with any of the school’s activities.
If food is what you want on Parent’s Day, you do have the lunch option:
LUNCH AT NYU DINING HALLS OR ON YOUR OWN (11am to 3pm)
Experience a variety of delicious menu options prepared by NYU Dining Services. Enjoy an array of foods such as pizza, stir-fry, salad bar, home-style cooking, and vegetarian meals. Meals are served all-you-care-to-eat style in our residence dining halls. NYU families will receive a discounted door rate of $6.00 per person at the following residence hall dining facilities: Hayden, Third North, Palladium, and Weinstein (downstairs). NYU families also receive discounts on their purchases at the Weinstein Food Court. Students who have meal plans should use their meal plan as usual.
As far as an all-University Freshman get together where, realistically, one could give a toast, the closest thing is a “drop-in” session with NYU Prez John Sexton, where he undoubtedly bear hugs everyone within his wingspan. But even then, schools are split between floors:
PARENTS RECEPTION (4 - 5:30pm)
Kimmel Center for University Life, 60 Washington Square South
Parents, families and students are invited to attend an afternoon drop-in reception co-hosted by New York University President John Sexton and the NYU Parents Committee. Music will be provided by NYU student ensembles.
Note that the reception will be held on 2 floors in the Kimmel Center and guests are invited by school/program to a reception:
• 4th Floor Tisch School of the Arts, Steinhardt, Gallatin, Nursing, Stern, Social Work
• 10th Floor College of Arts and Science, Liberal Studies, Global Liberal Studies, School of Continuing/Professional Studies
Simply: not only is this event as fake no one mentioning Dan Humphrey’s sudden gain in muscle mass, but it’s also held The National Arts Club with black walls, priceless pieces of art, and absolutely ZERO connection to NYU or NYU property.
No way NYU Freshman get near anything that expensive. It doesn’t matter how much NYU wants to impress your parents.
Da7e: I begged my parents not to come to Freshman Parent’s Day. All the hotels are booked and campus is packed. And did anyone notice that this Parent’s Weekend Dinner and Toast took place strangely without any food, meal or booze? Weak, Ellis. I hope they fire your ass.
Muse: Here's what I remember about Parent's Weekend - My mom had to come to my acting studio and learn about what we did and then was forced to eat a sorry excuse for chicken at Hayden dining hall. If there was a fancy Freshman Dinner (though, yeah, where was the food?) I sure would have felt a lot less guilty about making her fly out.
Final Thoughts On “Enough About Eve:”
Da7e: Are Welcome Back Kotter Mugs really funny enough to be referenced a third time in this show? I get that Rufus would be the kind of dude to have them, but why is he so attached to them? I’m glad Blair and Chuck are fighting because Blair is always so much more evil if she isn’t getting laid on the side. Blair needs to go back on the warpath, and I’m willing to sacrifice her relationship to Chuck if that’s what it takes.
Muse: A true return to form and a great episode! Though I find myself getting angrier and angrier with Blair every time she does something that is CLEARLY going to backfire. She's smarter than that by now, isn't she? That being said, I like that it may have brought Blair and Vanessa together in some way. Oh the possibilities!
Da7e: I’m glad Carter is gone, though just having him get into a car looking forlorn made me regret having to watch Serena deal with him for six episodes already. Screw Carter and Serena’s storyline. Also, now is the perfect time to finally get Rufus to go all pedophile on Vanessa. They LOOOOVE each other!
Muse: So I'm not alone in thinking Vanessa and Rufus might get together some day?! Uh oh. That means it MIGHT happen. Gross. Yeah, bye Carter, and good riddance. Serena and Nate are totally gonna make out now.