The Return of 90210 Semi Live Blogging!

Because, really, what else do I have to do?

Previously on 90210:

-Dixon fools a pretty girl in her late 20s into thinking he is 10 years older and a musician currently making money by producing porn. She somehow thinks a guy who looks like this:


is her age. This is dumb. Sasha sees Dixon hugging his mom at his house and wonders who the old white woman is. Apparently, wife/lover is the first thought to come to Sasha's mind. Because, yeah, that makes sense.

-Liam uses his iPhone to record Naomi's sister, Jen, saying Naomi will never find out that she & Liam slept together. Remember when Entourage did the iPhone recording bit a couple weeks ago?

-Silver may or may not be crazy, as usual

-Annie feels guilty about killing that homeless man. Homeless man's nephew befriends her. We suspect it's cause he wants to catch her & get her to admit the truth. He is creepy.

-Hot Teacher thinks Jen likes him. Oh sad sad Hot Teacher.

-Teddy kisses Adrianna! Silver witnesses. (Silver Witnesses. Band name?) Adrianna kisses back, despite totally loving Controlling Navid because Sleazy Teddy looks like he's from a cartoon and cartoons are happy and fun! Also, she turns down the lead on a tv show (that she got from ONE audition with no callbacks) because Navid told her to. Might just be me, but I think all of her boy options kind of suck right now.

Now to this week's episode!

Season 2, Episode 5 - Environmental Hazards

Sasha stalks Dixon's mom cause she thinks she's Dixon's lover/wife. She discovers Debbie is Dixie's mom and gets upset on the inside. I am bored.

I don't understand why Liam likes Naomi. I don't understand why anyone likes Naomi.

Creepy guy continues to be creepy.

Is this some kind of rehab meeting? Oh! It is! Adrianna says someone whose name rhymes with Ritney Rears was at a meeting once. Good stuff, 90210.

Adrianna is a completely different character this season, total 180. Interesting.

I'm so upset that they made Silver crazy. Cause now I never buy anything she says or does cause I just assume she's crazy.

Dixon is CLEARLY 12. How did she think he was in his 20s?!

You SHOULD feel like a fool since he is SO CLEARLY IN HIGH SCHOOL HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?!

Good. Take off the hat, Dixon. Finally.

The new theme song is "modernized" to such an extent, it always makes me giggle. Is this the kind of music people will associate with the 2000s? The same way the original 90210 theme music is all 90s sounding?


Listen here:


I completely missed this scene between Adrianna & Silver while I was having the above thought. Something about Adrianna kissing Teddy and Silver catching them.

More after the jump


Adrianna wears flower clips in her hair. Seriously.

Adrianna explains why Silver kissing Ethan was okay."You didn't even know who you liked." Deep.

We've observed that Adrianna/Teddy is none of Silver's business and she should probably shut up

Hot teacher is so sad. And hot. And he makes me feel so awkward.

This way of knowing Naomi is troubled by the fact that she's wearing sweats is actually quite cute (despite how obvious it is.)

They're both hot. Hot Teacher and Hot Liam. Nomnom.

Hot Teacher takes Liam's iPhone away! With the recording of Jen! Noooooo. "Looks like I found something you care about." You're so hot, Teach.

I wish I could have randomly played pool in some classroom whenever I wanted to in high school

Dixon is pouting like the twelve year old he is

What a weird group of guys

We're frustrated with how unearned Naomi/Liam is. Neither the story nor their chemistry justifies this star crossed lover business. Naomi just lied to him & acted like a dumb ass and he seemed annoyed with her in every episode. They only "like" each other because the script says so and the actors aren't good enough to make me buy it.

Naomi comes up with a plan to manipulate the system to get into good college, despite getting horrible SAT scores, horrible grades, participating in zero extra cirriculars and generally being an idiot. Hey Naomi, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED A LITTLE HARDER, ENTITLED BITCH, LET IT GO

The show dresses Adrianna like she's fat even though she's the best looking girl on the show. It's just cause the other girls are so tiny and waifish. She's always the most covered up or wearing flowing dresses. I don't appreciate it.

In this scene between Adrianna & Navid, the actors scoffed before their lines like 3 times in a row. It's either bad acting, bad editing, or both.

Hot Teacher won't give Liam his phone. Tells him he gets 10 days of detention and to bring his parents in. Hot Teacher is being a DICK

Naomi is trash. She wants to make the Dean's son like her so she can get into the college she wants. Throw up.

A"Hot" College Guy throws a football to Naomi. She catches it. They flirt. Did he throw it on purpose?

Dixon pleads with Sasha for a second chance. Close that door on the child and never open it again, Sasha. Please.

Imagining a high schooler talking to me like that makes me feel really, really dirty. At first it's "aw that's sweet", but then if you add the "I wanna have sex with you" feeling that Sasha is supposed to be having, it just equals a whole pile of dirty and gross.

SHE CLOSED THE DOOR! GOOD!

Annie's life would suck if it actually sucked. But let's remember, she's still rich and pretty.

Creepy talks to Annie about Metropolis and what it's like to be an intellectual. Annie seems to know what he is talking about, but I don't buy it. There is NO way she knows who Matthew Barney is. She probably barely knows who Michael Moore is. He is gonna take her to see The Script.

Naomi is a gross human being. Though not as gross as her sister, it must be noted. The Dean's son or whoever that is is actually kinda cute. Don't try to trick him, Naomi, that's so mean.

Haha he's supposed to be her tutor?! Naomi, you are horrible. Haha, but it's actually kind of funny. Ridiculous. She knows all the right buttons to push to make him fall for her. Why is no guy smart enough to see through her bullshit?

Adrianna is being weird and overcompensating on her double date with Navid, Teddy and some random chick named Jasmine. Oh eyu, Teddy is too. Oh come ON, Aide, he looks like a cartoon woodland creature.

Liam's family is that fucked up and his parents are still together?

NICE MOVE FROM HOT TEACHER, telling Liam's parents that Liam is smart & awesome & hot. Okay fine, he didn't tell them he was hot.

Teddy is so goofy looking, DUDE

It is SO working, Adrianna. She is jeaaallouuusss.

Despite how goofy he is, they still have chemistry. WAY more chemistry than Liam/Naomi. Ah HAH he looks like Dudley Do Wright. And would probably sing like Gaston.

But stop making out with him, he's a dufus.

Naomi walks down the hall with "Hot" College Guy and we're actually supposed to look at her and think she is a junior in high school. Really.

Ah! "Hot" College Guy DID throw the ball to Naomi on purpose.

Haha, "Hot" College Guy and Dean's Son are roommates. Naomi getting screwed by the universe, nice


Oh, gross, Sasha, don't look longingly at the child, PLEASE

Does Creepy actually like Annie or is he just pretending?

Why do I care about Silver's mom being an alcoholic? Why is this storyline happening? Oh yeah, Silver saw her mom at Adrianna's rehab meaning. Then her mom sent Silver a note asking her to come see her speak at the next meeting. I didn't mention any of it before because I don't care and it's boring.

Silver's mom apologizes at the meeting. Silver gets up and makes a speech about how her mom is probably lying. See, does this mean Silver is crazy or that Silver is...not crazy, cuuuuz I still think she's crazy, and it's making me not understand any of her storylines.

Naomi is kissing her tutor! That tutor is kissing a junior in high school! Oh no, now Sasha is kissing a junior in high school?! Everyone stop it, this is gross, what are you doing?! THEY ARE KIDS.

Liam deletes the recording of Jen admitting she slept with him because he saw Naomi kiss the Dean's son. WHY would you delete that?!?!!? LIAM WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Idiot. Give me a break. Minus 10 hot points for utter stupidity

Oh, GROSS! Dixon is a child, and you NEED to have sex with him?! I'm gonna throw up.

Does Silvers mom have cancer?

"She has cancer." Check.

The end of another ridiculous 90210 episode. FANtastic.