Thursday, January 20, 2011

Deep Thoughts About The Scream 4 Trailer

Things I am obsessed with: Scream. Things you should be obsessed with: Scream. Today's lesson rules!

Naturally, with a Scream obsession, comes an OH DEAR GOD CAN IT BE APRIL NOW BBZZZZZGZUIGH reaction to the upcoming fourth installment. So when the trailer hit the interwebs Thursday evening, I had to watch it. And analyze it. And marry it. Here are my deep thoughts.

First, stray observations!

With the horror genre being reinvented every decade, this means new Scream movies could come out every decade, pastiching whatever new method of scares we discover. Pastiches are better than parody, after all. In fact, I pretty much hate parody. Like, a lot. I'd be happy if no one ever made a Scary Movie Epic Movie Vampires Suck whatever the hell ever again.

Is that one character related to Cotton Weary? Cause he looks just like him You know who I mean because it looks just like him. Is it safe to assume that since Emma Roberts is related to one of our original characters, others will be as well? Like Cotton Weary Jr? If the fact that he is a spitting image of Liev Schreiber turns out to be pure coincidence, I will be very disappointed.

In this trailer, instead of Kristin Bell & Anna Paquin facing sure death, we get Alison Brie! Alison Brie's in this?! Who decided that?! I'm excited. Can you tell I'm excited?

David Arquette looks like he hasn't aged a day. My crush on Deputy Dewey is coming back. Oh god. I can feel it. It's happening.

But unless you are weird like I am and think David Arquette is adorbz, there's no male eye candy in this movie. Yet TONS of gorgeous women. Only expecting a male audience, much?

Now for some specific moments in the trailer. Follow along!

.52 - "He's trying to do Ghostface"

Because this this the fourth in the series, expect the movie to be meta meta meta. The trailer leads us to believe that the killer isn't a copycat of the original murders, but a copycat of first Stab movie, based on the original murders, which came out in the second Scream movie (hey now woah now!). So not only does everyone know how horror films work, they know how Stab movies work. They know who Ghostface is. Well. So when they pick up the phone and someone asks "What's your favorite scary movie?" rather than being afraid or even creeped out, their response is "omglol." Meta goodness OMNOM!

1.13 - "It's all over the Internet!"

Because, after all, it is 2011, expect technology to play a huge role. This is a meta meta meta satire slasher film set in the age of Facebook, Twitter and Texting. While such things may be over Dewey's head, the rest of the cast is mostly under the age of twenty-five. I'll be surprised if no one gets a text from Ghostface. Or at least makes a joke about getting a text from Ghostface. But Ghostface wouldn't be scary in text. Please don't text anyone, Ghostface.

1:47 - "Guaranteed third act main cast blood bath"

I suspected as much from the moment I heard "Scream 4", but expect a major character to bite it - Dewey, Gale or Sydney. I kind of hope they all make it out alive, but the Scream movies to tend to follow their own rules. Idea! Kill Gale so Dewey can go out with me.

1:57- Hayden Panettiere Shows Off Her Memorizing Techniques

One of the best things about the Scream movies are how they take place in a world where scary movies exist - it's partly what made the first one so groundbreaking and it's nice to be reminded of that fact. Seems like there will be plenty of references in this chapter, even if they are all in one breath. Hayden Panettiere listing off all the horror remakes literally just gave me goosebumps. I am a NERD. Also - which movie could he possibly be referring to?! What didn't she say?! OPEN, MOVIE, I NEED YOU.

I feel good. Scream makes me feel good. Is that weird? I don't care. I know where I'm gonna be at 12:01am on April 15th and that's all that matters.