TRUE BLOOD Season Sneak Peak

 This video is ridiculous. And amazing. I am so excited for the rest of this season. Debbie Pelt, you gonna get it.



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True Blood Gets All tarte-ed Up

 Yes, even more than it already is. In keeping with their already inventive and particularly rewarding style of branding and merchandising, HBO has partnered with cosmetic company tarte to release three TrueBlood inspired products: An eyeshadow palette, a lip tint, and a cheek stain. I was lucky enough to get a hands-on demo (and cocktails!) at the Wired Cafe Oasis during Comic-Con, and was even luckier still when I got to take these products home. They're pretty stellar, and here's why:

Quality. HBO didn't try to overreach by releasing their own cosmetics. They turned to an edgy and reputable company with a popular line of bold colors and quality products and created something in tandem with tarte.

Presentation. A little bawdy but miles from gaudy (oh, we're rhyming now). The black and red leather case sporting eyelets and cord as if it were a corset being unlaced is racy and fun, much like the show itself, but doesn't stand out sorely in an otherwise innocuous bathroom. The drawer containing the primer, liner and mascara bears the words "Open After Dark" on it, a nice touch. The fact that the drawer is lined in red lends it a vaguely coffin-esque feel, which I'm not sure was intentional, but is still charming. The liptint and cheek stain come in sleek black and silver with red lettering, nothing stand out, but all the better. The packaging is clean and holds together in your purse while maintaining the color motif. Tra la.

Logic. It makes sense. The same way releasing a blood orange flavored soda made sense. HBO has gone out of its way with TrueBlood to generate merchandise that belongs in the world of the show and helps draw the consumer deeper into it. Bottle openers and mugs stamped with Merlotte's logo, handbags designed with the flare of Fangtasia in mind and the same shirts and hoodies branded with the vampire bar's name that can be purchased in the world of the show can all be purchased by its audience. Having a line of makeup now that feeds into the glamor of TrueBlood is a logical next step, and an inventive way to expand the brand. On their own, the products are highly purchasable- sexy colors and sleek packaging. That they are inspired by TrueBlood makes them... more special, a particularly intimate way to connect with the look and feel of the world of the show.

Admittedly, most of tarte's collections have something a bit more whimsical about them and aren't quite as dark as, say, a palette from Urban Decay, but the TrueBlood palette covers that gap in spades. The lip tint is a true red with the slightest bit of sheen, long lasting and not prone to bleeding past the lip line- a trait of all tarte's lipsurgence tints. If it's a bit too bold for your daytime look (which... I sort of hope its too bold for your daytime look, cuz damn) you can blot it and it leaves a very dark, rosy pink. Not as glam but still colorful. ($24)

The cheek stain is of the same ilk, a real red with not even the hint so much as the implication of sparkles. It can be used sparingly, spreads evenly and doesn't gravitate toward pores (I would know, mine are sizable).  It can be used for either a dark natural flush or a bright dramatic highlight. A little goes a long way, so this will last you for a long time.($30)







The palette is a thing of beauty. The centerpiece of the limited edition line, it looks and feels like a luxury item should, but it's not just a gimmick. In addition to the eye primer, aqua-gel liner, and lights camera lashes! mascara, it comes with 17 different shadows, each one named for a recognizable component of the show, whether a creature, cast member or location. They are, as described by Sephora (one of the two places the line may be purchased for $55, not counting ebay): 

• The Light (shimmering warm ivory) 
• Fairy (shimmering pink)
• Dusk (matte warm taupe)
• Dawn (shimmering gold dust)
• Werewolf (matte chocolate)
• Waitress (sparkling pink champagne),
• Nocturnal (sparkling deep indigo)
• Charmer (sparkling burnt copper)
• Glamour Me (sparkling deep plum)
• Stake (matte steel)
• Bayou (shimmering golden tan)
• Telepath (sparkling warm rose)
• The True Death (sparkling silver)
• Immortal (sparkling midnight black)
• Moss (shimmering forest green)
• Legend (deep matte black)
• "V" (sparkling crimson). 

The palette also includes in its packaging a quick how to illustration chart with four separate looks, including a fairy inspired look, a vampire inspired look, and my favorite, "Not Your Average Waitress". The how-to guides can also be found on tarte's website,  here.

When the fabulous Aline was done with me, I had a matte smokey eye that lasted me into the evening's festivities. Shazam! 

Note also: Fangtasia recreation complete w/deer head to my left (your right), and plastic cup of red liquid- TrueBlood inspired cocktails galore. None of the ones we created for the site, but a whole new batch of delicious, its-5-o'clock-somewhere justifying goodness. 

 Having now used the above products a few times and as a habitual and avid makeup user, I can happily recommend them all. As a big old Truebie nerd, I can say that the palette is now the centerpiece of my geek shelf and that I have never felt so stealthy in my geekitude as when someone complimented me on my eyes. Use this palette. It will be the closest you can come to glamouring someone without turning into a vampire.

I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire!

                                                        Bonus shot of liptint color: 

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Swag Bag: What I Brought Home From Comic-Con 2011

Thanks to having a grand total of four hours to explore over 5000 booths, I purchased nowhere near as much at Comic-Con as I did at its little sister, Wondercon, but thankfully, included in my small bounty was almost every item I coveted going in, and once you include the incredible freebies available this year, a whole lot more. Here’s the rundown of the best items I walked away with at Comic-Con 2011.

Purchased
 
Britney Lee Print
Ever since purchasing a large Britney Lee print at Wondercon a few months ago, I’ve been thinking about a wonderful smaller print I passed up that also, of course, featured a girl and a cat. So the second I had a free moment on Sunday, I sought out Britney’s booth and snatched up this adorable print.

Dollhouse Epitaphs #1 Comic-Con Exclusive Edition
Created by Jed Whedon, Andrew Chambliss, & Maurissa Tancharoen and taking place in the post Dollhouse world we got glimpses of at the end of Seasons 1 and 2, this comic was high on my list to pick up. Especially because one out of every five was signed by the creators. Unfortunately, I didn’t get one of those, but I’m excited to read it nonetheless.

Harley Quinn Mimobot
The moment the doors opened Wednesday evening for Preview Night, I made a mad dash to the Mimobot booth and was the first person to pick up one of eight hundred Comic-Con Exclusive Arkham City Harley Quinn Mimibots – 16g. Greatest purchase anyone has ever made ever.
 

Team Charles/Erik Shirts
And immediately after, I found myself 10th in line to be one of the first 1000 people to pre-order the Blu-Ray of X-Men First Class, which meant also picking either a Team Erik or Team Charles shirt. I pre-ordered two, one for me, one for my family, so I picked both. WIN.

Ron Lego Keychain
Every year, I treat myself to one Lego character keychain. Over the years I’ve amassed quite the collection, including Hermione, Hagrid, Snape, Luke Skywalker, Catwoman, Harley Quinn and Indiana Jones. This year, I added Ron Weasley to the collection.

Captain America Minimates
I LOVED Captain America and have been building up quite the minimates collection to go with my Lego collection, hence – the entire cast of Captain America in minimate form for me to stick on my geek shelf and never look at again.

Earl Grey Shirt Genius. Gift for my dad.

Walking Dead Board Game
My Comic-Con Everest. Every day I went to the Image booth, only to discover that the new comic based board game (described as a cross between D&D and Stratego) had sold out in under 20 minutes. One morning I carefully planned my time to be in the room the moment it opened, only to discover it opened a half hour earlier than I thought it did. Saturday afternoon, 10 minutes before the hall closed, I found myself once again wandering by the Image booth. Freaked out that I had truly missed my chance to own the Comic-Con Exclusive Edition of the game, months before the regular version came out, I decided to go up and make sure they still had copies for Sunday morning. But because the dude working had seen my flustered daily attempts consistently fail miserably, he took pity on me and made an exception, grabbing a game from the Sunday pile for me. It was a bit of Comic-Con magic that I won’t soon forget. More info on the game here.

Giveaways

Signed Captain America poster
Thanks to an awesome dude at the Marvel booth, I got my hands on a Captain America poster signed by Chris Evans.

Hunger Games Pin & Poster At the HitFix party Wednesday night, multiple bloggers were sporting Mockingjay pins. Upon seeing it for the first time, I think I actually screamed a little. So the next morning, my first stop before beginning my work day was the Lionsgate booth on the floor. The pins weren’t being handed out yet, but once again, an awesome dude helping at the booth threw us a bone and snuck us some. Another case of a kind soul coming through for a complete stranger at Comic-Con this year. Love it!

Admiral Ackbar Fan
Of all the giveaways one could have made for the Star Wars Blu-Ray release, this is either poorly thought out or incredibly thought out, depending on whether or not the marketing department is aware of the It’s A Trap meme. In any event, I know some hipster geeks who would die to get their hands on one of these.

Captain America Shield Fan
Given out at the Hasbro booth, I believe,  it’s a paper fan in the form of Captain America‘s shield. I want anything and everything Captain America. So I was a happy girl to pick this up.

Buffy Paper Doll
Secretly contained in a comic preview at Dark Horse was a Buffy (comic version, natch) paper doll!! A great giveaway I didn’t even know I had!

True Blood Bag
Continuing the tradition of True Blood having the best panel giveaways at the convention, this year the stash included book #4 in the Sookie Stackhouse series, a notebook with one of the three Season 4 True Blood posters gracing its cover, a coupon for 20% off at the HBO store, and one of True Blood‘s famously clever shirts, this one with a set of fangs and the phrase “Grow a Pair” on the front.

Game of Thrones Bag
And it looks like these bags of awesome are in fact an HBO staple! Oh man, I can never miss either of these panels ever. The first ever Game of Thrones Bag contained the first book in the series, a random house shirt, a Westeros mousepad/screen cleaner and another coupon for HBO. Disappointingly while I did nab myself a Stark shirt, everyone else I know got stuck with a Baratheon. Not even a Lannister? Really? The one I wanted most was Targaryn. Oh well. Stark is still badass. And this giveaway still ruled.

Legend of Korra Shirt & Poster
At one point during the Legend of Korra panel, the creators mentioned a poster and t shirt that some people in the audience had. People that weren’t me or my boyfriend. I was not okay with this. Determined to figure out how to get my hands on these items, I ran to the Nick booth as soon as I could on Sunday. Much to my surprise, the fella said to come back around 4pm for the final Legend of Korra giveaway. I did, and after waiting in line for about 20 minutes, the poster and t-shirt were mine. Thanks Giveaway Gods!

Fringe Poster & Luggage Tag
If you made it to the Fox booth during Comic-Con, you would have found a slew of fun posters for Fox television shows. I grabbed myself one for Fringe (hey, who knows, maybe one day I’ll have the balls to get it signed). The giveaway at the panel this year was a lenticular luggage tag, featuring a disappearing Peter. On the back it reads something along the lines of  “if found in the wrong universe, please contact ______” Cute idea, though nowhere near as awesome as the exclusive giveaway I didn’t get my hands one….(see bottom)

Pan Am Bag
While not as high quality as the one the website was suggesting they were giving away, it was still on my list to get and I still got it. The process involved waiting in line to sign up for a “flight”. Then you received a boarding pass and a flight time. You then came back to Pan Am at that time, watched a short featurette for the upcoming show in a recreation of an airplane (which was actually pretty effing cool to sit in) and then got a messenger bag. Supposedly they retail for $89, but this looked more like it’s $12 knock off cousin. Still, it’s a bag, and if I love the show, I’ll be thrilled to have one.

Chuck Shirt
The giveaway at the Chuck panel this year was a shirt in the style of a Fake Tuxedo shirt, but for the Buy More uniform. I didn’t get to the panel, so got the shirt from a friend, but once I realized the Chuck panel was actually its last, since the show is headed into its final season, I got quite upset. Especially after hearing that Jeffster performed and Zac Levi teared up. The giveaway is a nice consolation prize, but doesn’t make up for missing what was a lot of folks’ favorite panel at the whole con.

Captain America Shirt
While not quite as cool as the Mondo Cap poster that was also given out at the first showing (with Chris Evans in person) screening Thursday morning, this shirt still rules and is one of the only soft ones given out anywhere at the entire event.

The River Flashlight
The giveaway for ABC’s new show The River, rather than being yet another uncomfortable XL t shirt was a The River branded flashlight. Cool!

Avengers Shirt
At least shirts in XL, when paired with belts, make GREAT dresses….?

Lord of the Rings: War of the North Shirt
Given out at the “WB Key Party” and made the whole experience worth it. I’m sure whatever happened once it got dark outside was awesome as well, but unfortunately, my group has somewhere to be so when things started running a half hour behind schedule, we had to high tail it out of there. But the shirt is soft and in my size so, win anyway!

Didn’t Get

Captain America/SHIELD Pins
RARGH! Saw these online listed as Marvel Booth giveaways and wanted both but they vanished from the Marvel booth rather quickly. Can’t win em all.

Save Peter Fringe Shirt
For the second year in a row, the actors on the Fringe panel turned the question asking around and engaged in a trivia contest with the audience. Any audience member who got the answer won a black shirt that read “Save Peter.” Why this couldn’t have been the main giveaway, I don’t know. Sigh.

Community DVD Slip Case
At the Community panel, Dan Harmon showed off their Comic-Con Exclusive DVD slipcover – identical to the normal season 2 one, but with the characters in claymation form as opposed to human form. WANT.

Locke & Key Volume One
Since Wednesday is most often spent grabbing exclusives before having to leave, I always save Sunday as my comics, toys and art day. Unfortunately, I only ended up with about ninety minutes max on the floor and when that window became thirty minutes and I still didn’t have anything on my comics list, I began my high octane mission to acquire anything I still could.  After not being able to find a single vintage comics booth to grab my old school finds, I decided I’d at least make a point of nabbing the first volume of Locke and Key and that would be enough, since at least I knew where the graphic novel dealers were. Alas, five different dealers informed me that volume one was complete sold out. Great for the comic (and for the not picked up pilot I’ve heard amazing things about), but sucky for me. See full post

It All Ended [Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 ]

 And so the saga ends, and ends relatively well. The final installment in the film series based off of JK Rowling's beloved books was fast paced, energetic, pretty, fun, full of rewarding moments and some great effects and set pieces. I enjoyed myself immensely. I only wish it hadn't thrown into such sharp relief how poor her overall plotting and the structure of our heroes' journies were. After a very long conversation with a smart movie-going friend who hasn't read the books, and doing my fair share of defending the events because of the things he didn't know about but agreeing with much of what he was saying, I sat on it all for a day and decided to swing by the ol' blog and put some of this out there for posterity's sake.

For the record, this post is going to be NOTHING BUT SPOILERS.  It's also going to be very critical of the last book/movie's plot and have a lot of wishful thinking in it.

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How to Throw An End of Harry Potter Party

Crossposted on Film.com

As the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part Two billboards have been saying for months, it all ends this Friday. Until the Blu-ray is released. And then the ultimate Blu-ray extended edition package. But theatrically speaking, it is truly the end of an era and simply put, end of eras require parties. So if you’re planning on getting together with friends to celebrate the series that was Harry Potter before seeing Deathly Hallows: Part Two this weekend, here is a handy guide for what to do.

Set-Up
What to Buy
First off, if you live in L.A. visit Whimsic Alley, an important part of any Harry Party prep. Here you can pick up activities like the Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Spells & Potions Activity Kit or Harry-themed 20 Questions; decorations like Hogwarts cups, napkins, flags, and wall decals; party favors like tattoos (I’m partial to the Death Eater one), buttons, postcards, and stickers; and prizes like a light-up Triwizard Cup, a Dumbledore’s Army journal, a Harry Potter pop-up book, the Harry Potter Film Wizardry book on the design of the films, house-themed scarves, a wand — the possibilities are endless. If you don’t live in L.A., all of these items can be found online and many can be found in toy and book stores. And of course, get ingredients for food, drinks, and supplies for any games you plan on playing.

Guests
It’s up to you whether to invite friends who have only seen the movies and not read the books. At a party like this, avoiding spoilers shouldn’t be on your mind, but if you want to be inclusive, just alter any games that may ruin the second half of the seventh book for anyone and make sure everyone watches their mouths.

Costumes
Encourage everyone to dress up. Whether it’s as a character, a generic member of a house, or even if they are just covered in Harry-related garb, parties are always more fun when costumes are involved. Fact.

Decorations
If you’re going all out, fashion your living room after a set from Harry, like Hadrid’s hut, Grimmauld Place, or the Great Hall. For lower key but still festive, just pick a house and decorate with that color in mind, or divide your living room into four areas for each house and decorate accordingly.

Food
Use the Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook to create Harry Potter-themed treats for your guests, or be truly creative and invent your own!

Drink
Create whatever you think Butterbeer would be. Pour butterscotch liquor into a wheat-based beer or, better yet, fashion your own specialty cocktail. If possible, make it punch-style so people can dip in whenever they please.

Crafts
If you have a copy of the Unofficial Harry Potter Party Book, it’s all about throwing Harry-themed parties. I don’t have it. I want it. Creating any of the crafts in there will make a lovely supplement to the activities listed blow.

The Party Itself

Sorting Hat!
Make your own sorting hat quiz or find one online. Print out multiple copies and have pens on hand. When everyone arrives, they must fill out the quiz and return it to you. Once everyone has completed it, use whatever scoring system you have devised (even if that means entering each set of answers online while your guests mingle) to have a Sorting Hat ceremony. Take turns bringing people up and throwing a hat on them (Sorting Hat is kind of expensive, so any hat will do), then announcing their house. Give each person a patch, sticker, or button that correlates to their house, depending on what Whimsic Alley offered for cheapest, and have them wear it for the duration of the party.

Harry Potter Celebrity
One of my favorite games to play is Celebrity and the idea of Harry Potter-themed Celebrity makes me want to cry with joy. Have each person write down three words. These words should include: characters, actors, creatures, locations, potions, and magical items. There are three rounds: first round, get your team to guess the word using rules most like Taboo. Second round: only use two words. Third round: charades. If it’s possible to divide teams by houses, I would recommend it, or at least two houses per team. Award the winning team 50 points for their house.

Harry Potter Categories
If you’re short on time, here is an alternative to Celebrity. Pair everyone off, each from a different house. Each pair gets a category — i.e., characters, actors, creatures, locations, potions, and magical items, just like Celebrity. Then you have one of two options. First, have each pair stand up and take turns naming items from that category. If one person is stumped, the other has the opportunity to name one instead, and score 25 points for their house. If the other person can’t name one instead and both are stumped, each gets 10 points for their house. The other way is to have each pair write down as many items as they can think of in their category. At the end, one person reads theirs aloud and the other crosses out any doubles. Once the doubles are crossed out, see who has the most and that house wins 25 points.

Button & Badge Making
Bust out a button-making machine or molding clay and paint if you have any and create stations for making custom buttons and badges. Have the buttons say things like S.P.E.W., Weasley Is Our King, or Potter Stinks and have the badges be things like horcruxes, house crests, and deathly hallows. Stick a toothpick in the bottom of the badge and suddenly you have cake decorations! For every one made, that person receives five points for their house.

Tattoo Station
Use henna, temporary tattoos, or even permanent marker to create tattoos like the Dark Mark, Dumbledore’s Army, “I must not tell lies,” the symbol of the Deathly Hallows, Harry’s scar, and more.

Spell-ing Bee
Before the party, divide spells into tiers of difficulty, beginning with the easiest ones everyone knows, and ending with a group of ones only the most diligent readers would remember. Have all of your guests stand in a line and go one by one. You read what a spell does and the person in line must say the name of the spell. Keep going until there is one winner or you run out of spells. Whoever remains receives 35 points for their house/houses. Find a list of spells here.

Gillyweed-Eating Contest
Have each house elect one person to participate. Give each person a plate of seaweed and say GO! The first to finish wins 20 points for their house. Harry just downed that s**t — to be a true hero, you gotta be able to down it, too.

Pin Avada Kedavra on the Death Eater
Or something of that ilk. If you can get your hands on a cheap poster, wall decal, or even print something out yourself, of someone like Bellatrix Lestrange, just blindfold your guests and have them try their hardest to stab her in the face. Or to be more accurate, use a wand instead of a pin, take the blindfold off once you make contact with the wall, and mark where your wand hit. Closest person wins 15 points for their house. Note: We don’t encourage killing here at Hogwarts, but some bitches just need to die. #DeathlyHallowsPartTwo #ICantWaitForThatLine

Candy Making
Pick up the Unofficial Harry Potter Sweet Shoppe Kit and make candy as a group! If you do this toward the beginning of the party, depending on the treat, you can eat them at the end. Nomnom.

The Pensieve
If you want to get a little sentimental, sit in a circle and go around talking about your favorite Harry Potter-related memories (like opening the seventh book for the first time and seeing the name of the first chapter, “The Dark Lord Ascending,” and promptly freaking out) and favorite scenes from the books and movies.

Play a Harry Potter Board Game
Once the party starts winding down, but you’re not ready to say goodbye to Harry just yet, throw on your favorite Harry movie, put it on mute (but take a break to watch your favorite scenes), and bust out the Harry Potter Clue to play with the few remaining folks.

Hope these tips have been helpful and that you have a wonderful celebration of all that is Harry before saying goodbye. Although remember what Dumbledore once said:

“To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.” See full post

Blu Ray Review: Insidious

 I shouldn't have watched this right before bed. I really shouldn't have watched this right before bed.

Today marks the DVD/Blu-Ray release of Insidious, an original horror film from Saw writer/director team James Wan and Leigh Whannell, produced by Oren Pell of Paranormal Activity fame. I found this unexpectedly genre bending film to be kind of delightful in its originality. Equal parts naturalism and theatricality, I must say I had no idea where it would end up when it began. Even though at every twist I'd think to myself "I knew it!" then wonder, "Wait...did I?" (And sometimes, yes I did, thanks for spoiling part of the whole movie, blurb on the back of the DVD case...) Somehow the structure of the film is such that it completely envelops you and often tricks you into thinking you're one step ahead.

But don't worry, this isn't a film based in twists and turns. What makes it truly terrifying is the slow burn, the build, the tension, the glimpses of what's truly going on, and some very disturbing imagery bringing up the rear. For me personally, I'm glad I saw it at home for the first time, rather than in the theater, because haunted house movies are practically meant to be watched at home. That's when they become the most tangible and frightening. And this film was no exception.

Another plus of watching at home was utilizing my surround sound system to enhance such an unsettling score paired with incredibly dynamic sound design. The sounds were so effective, we kept finding them bleeding into reality, becoming increasingly convinced that some of the creaks were coming from outside of the screen. It helped create an all too terrifying atmosphere.

Now this movie wasn't perfect for me. It was almost too dark at times to see what was going on and the comic relief fell a little flat as it was just too little too late and almost unwanted at that point but despite those small gripes, the film is worth seeing, for its interesting blend of genres alone. Then throw in the fact that it's low budget, well made, original and legitimately scary and it becomes a full on recommendation.

But to buy the Blu-Ray? I'm not sure I'm convinced.

There are only three extras, Horror 101: The Exclusive Seminar, which gives a little background on the idea of the film and the genres it delves into, On Set with Insidious, which features behind the scenes footage and bits about the on-set relationships, stunts, bits that were cut and more, and Insidious: Entities, a closer look at all of the Entities. While these extras aren't bad, they are nowhere near enough. The total under a half hour and only feature interviews with six people - a very enthusiastic Wan & Whannell in all three, and in Insidious: Entities, the Production Designer, Costume Designer, Head of the Makeup Department and Head of the Hair Department as well. The featurettes are are all informative and fun to watch, but ultimately don't go as in depth as I've come to expect from my blu-rays. There is no commentary, and no equivalent. Plus you're practically forced into watching multiple trailers before even getting to the main menu. Weren't we past that, as a people?

But because the film is such an interesting little combo of unique and bone chilling, I at least recommend a rental. To be watched at night. With the surround sound on high. I guarantee you will have trouble sleeping. And according to Wan & Whannell, that's the mark of a horror movie doing its job. So, mission accomplished boys. I'm using a night light tonight. See full post

Sam Witwicky's Dating Advice

Crossposted and commissioned by Film.com

Over three Transformers films now, Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf) has been befriending noble robots, taking down evil robots, and openly defying the US government, logic and decency. But perhaps the most unbelievable aspect of the character is the notion that he exclusively dates supermodels. He is only attracted to the hottest women on the planet and they only have eyes for him. What's the secret? How exactly does Sam Witwicky get girls like this? Maybe his dating advice will clear some things up. Take it away, Sam.

*****

When You First Meet Her, Act Like An Idiot
What? But how could this work? Trust me. The dorkier you seem on your meet-cute can only work in your favor. Breaking something valuable looking can only magnify the effect and is highly recommended. She will take pity on your failed attempt at being suave and spend a little time with you. This is your in! Use this time to implement some other tips on this list and she will be yours.

Tell Her You Saved The World A Couple Times
Throw in the fact that you are friends with robots and got a medal from the President, and she will be all over you. Yes, in my case it was true, but how was she supposed to know giant transforming robots are real? She believed it anyway and thought I was a hero, despite the fact that outside of the metal I got the day we met, I led a mostly sad, pointless existence.

Be A Mooching Deadbeat
It's very important when securing the perfect woman to be extremely down on yourself to the point of deadbeatdom. While jobless, make sure to move into her home, refuse to pay rent, and better yet, take it over for your own crazy, won't-make-you-any-money endeavors. Make sure to invite robot friends over, if you have them, so you can ensure that some nice things get broken. She needs to be reminded of your idiocy and from time to time so she feels too bad for you to leave you.

Be Extremely Jealous And Show It!
If there's one thing hot girls love, it's when you are being blindingly jealous. She has a cute boss? Yell at her about it! She is nice to her cute boss? Yell louder! If she responds sweetly that there is nothing to worry about and you are overreacting? You better freak out and punch your car a lot. Hopefully, it'll happen to turn out that the guy making eyes at her is evil and/or assisting the bad guys and she will think you have a heroic sixth sense and want you forever.

Pick Your Hobbies Over Her. At First.
Whether your hobbies are hiking or helping robots save the world, always pick them over her until you are done hiking/saving the world. It shows her you have a lot of passion for living and for your interests. Then when you "choose" her later on, it'll look like you are experiencing personal growth. Perfection.

Act Like A Dick To Both Her and Everyone Around You
Perhaps the most important tip of all. Make sure to take her for granted, complain constantly, get angry with her about anything and everything, but show her she isn't the only one you act like this towards. When you finally introduce her to your robot friends (again, if you are lucky enough to be in that position), make sure to be truly arrogant and condescending towards everyone you encounter along the way. Show her you mean business. She will see you in a place of universal power and be hooked.

Put Both Yourself And Her In Danger Whenever Possible
You know why they always go cliff diving and crap on The Bachelor, right? Experiencing a spike in adrenaline and endorphins while together, chemically brings you closer. So if you are ever going through a rough time, just go do something dangerous so she will worry (ESPECIALLY if she has lost family before because of risks they took) or involve her in something dangerous with you so you'll form an intense bond.

"Save Her Life"
Once you put her in a dangerous position, you MUST make sure to save her from it or at least look like you are saving her from it. Make her feel helpless, no matter how strong and capable she may be. Now is the time to turn pity into admiration, respect and dependence.

Don't Commit!
After you save her life and make her think you changed your ways for her, she will get a little excited and start getting ideas about a family and a future. When this starts to happen, IMMEDIATELY shoot it down. Stay cool. No need to lock it down yet, if at all. There are more hot supermodels who will want you where she came from.

*****

Thanks Sam! Man. What would we do without Transformers' accurate portrayal of how to get a woman, beautiful on the inside and out, to fall in love with you? Great advice for kids everywhere.

Oh, by the way, completely unrelated to the way Sam Witwicky treats women and Transformers 3, I just stabbed my eyeballs out.

Note: I think the scariest part of all of this is that I heard a 19 year old describe a method like this almost to a tee as a way to get girls a couple months ago. Comforting stuff. Good to know the movies they see support their asinine theories, isn't it? Sigh. See full post

Alliterative Actors Alphabet

Crossposted on Film.com

You know those times you start thinking about how most comic book characters have names like Bruce Banner, Peter Parker, Sue Storm and Matt Murdoch and then have thoughts like "If you have an alliterative name, does that mean you are more likely to become a superhero?" which leads to other thoughts like "My name is stupid" and "I'm gonna change my name" which eventually turns into "calm down, you don't want to be a supehero anyway, superheros are dumb, who wants to be them" and finally "I wonder which actors out there have alliterative names and are therefore primed and ready for superhero-dom, unlike me, but whatever, I don't care..."

I have really valuable chains of thought, you guys.

So upon compiling a massive list of famous people with alliterative names (which relates to sound, not letters, i.e. Clark Kent is alliteration. Keira Knightly is not), I decided there was only one thing to do. Write a poem naming one famous person with an alliterative name per letter of the alphabet.

Some of the references are obvious, some are not, some of these people are well known and some are...decidedly not. But if you don't understand something, I encourage you to head to google or ask away in the comment section.

Without further ado,


The Alliterative Actors Alphabet

Amy Adams soon reporting for the Daily Planet
Barry Bostwick to a hot chick once kept saying "Damnit Janet"

Colin Cunningham is definitely a Falling Skies fav
David Duchovny, every Sunday, we watch him get laid

Emilo Estevez is quacking til this day
Fionnula Flanagan, because she can, helps Desmond on his way

Greta Gerwig, delightfully awkward with Ben
Helen Hayes won praise as an EGOT back when

Irving Ishkabibble from some movie, Terror Eyes
Josh Jackson's relaxin because Fringe has survived

Kevin Kline doing fine taking time off from the screen
Lucy Lawless looks flawless in every Spartacus scene

Mary McDonnell deserved an Emmy, you see
Nick Nolte, why wont he, admit he's Gary Busey

Ozzy Osbourne bit a bat clean through its neck
Parker Posey we all know she stole her scenes on Parks and Rec

Quentin Crisp played a version of himself on TV
Ryan Reynolds has some tentpoles in both Marvel and DC

Susan Sarandon's mother-lovin Timberlake
Tony Todd, acting god, resume so long it looks fake

Umit Ulgen, no really, he's an actor, I swear
Vince Vaughan's not gone, but we're starting not to care

Wally Wingert undoubtedly a voice over expert
Xin Xin Xiong in Hong Kong, is a badass you can't hurt

Yasuo Yamada is the Japanese Kermit
Ziyi Zhang, that gorgeous thang, is killing fools as she sees fit See full post

Tom Hanks: Top Five

Crossposted on and commissioned by Film.com

With 64 acting credits on IMDb.com, 55 awards won, and an additional 52 nominations, Tom Hanks boasts quite the impressive resume. An attempt at selecting his five best films is no easy feat and would most likely result in a list of five Oscar-nominated dramas, which is, frankly, kind of boring. So, to jazz things up, we’ve selected five specific categories to pull from, in order to provide a Top Five list for Tom Hanks that simultaneously shows off his range and provides an accurate summary of his career.

Best (Romantic) Comedy: Big (1988)
A tough one. A part of me wants to say You’ve Got Mail, a film I’ve seen countless times and love so much against my better judgement that I did a scene from it in college. Another part of me wants to say Splash, because — hello — it stars a mermaid and features Tom Hanks at his absolute cutest. No part of me wants to say Sleepless in Seattle because I don’t like that movie, or Joe vs the Volcano because I’ve only seen roughly 10 minutes of it. So ultimately, I decided to go with Big. Not only is it a perfect ’80s comedy, hilarious, with a lot of heart, but Hanks is SO. EFFING. GOOD in it. The scene where he first touches Elizabeth Perkins’ boob alone is worth the Oscar nomination he got for the role, his first of five.
Runner-Up: You’ve Got Mail

Best Performance in a Film: Philadelphia (1993)
As the movie wherein Hanks truly proved himself as a dramatic actor and blew the world away so much so that he won his first Oscar, no top five list would be complete without Philadelphia. It  was a huge moment for Hanks’ career and an even bigger moment for movies, due to its controversial and powerful subject matter. Try watching this movie and not crying your face off. I dare you.
Runner-Up: Aside from the ones already on this list, Castaway

Best Oscar-Nominated Drama: Forrest Gump (1994)
Another tough decision, certainly, when one considers other movies of Hanks’ that nabbed Oscar nominations in their respective years: The Green Mile, Cast Away, Saving Private Ryan, Road to Perdition, and more. But at the end of the day, I had to go with the film that won Hanks his second Best Actor Oscar in a row. Not only was he impeccable in a role that was highly difficult to pull off, but the film itself is as epic as it is original and is what really turned Hanks into a superstar.
Runner-Up: Apollo 13

Best Game-Changer: Toy Story (1996)
Many films of Hanks’ could go here, from his first Oscar-nominated role in Big to Castaway, a film mostly consisting of Hanks acting opposite an inanimate object, to Saving Private Ryan with its harrowing opening sequence, but I’m going with Toy Story, the first computer-animated film of all time that spawned a franchise and characters no kid in America couldn’t name, and marked the beginning of Pixar’s world domination. There is no denying that Hanks’ iconic voice and star power played a crucial role in the film that started it all.
Runner-Up: Saving Private Ryan

Best Supporting Role: Catch Me If You Can (2002)
Hilarious in his supporting role as Carl Hanratty (which, played by Norbert Leo Butz on Broadway, just won a Tony), Hanks provided another memorable performance in another memorable film. I LOVE this movie. I watch it every time it’s on television. Not only is it my favorite supporting role of Hanks’, but I think it’s his best film in the past 10 years.
Runner-Up: A League of Their Own (Sorry, That Thing You Do! I love you too!)

So that’s my list. But the fascinating and wonderful thing about Hanks is how the opinion of his best films of his could change so drastically from person to person. If you asked 10 people what their top five Hanks films were, I would bet no two people would have the same answer. So what are your favorites? Feel free to sound off below. See full post

July at the Movies

 After a May filled with one giant hit after another (whether worthy or not) and a June filled with mostly mediocre films and box-office numbers, it’s up to July to prove what Fast & Furious led us to believe at the very end of April — that the summer movies this year will be both great in quality and killer at the box office, or what May finds Midnight in Paris and Tree of Life suggested, that this summer can be a time for Oscar contenders as well. So which movies might stand a chance of fulfilling these high hopes? Here’s how to mark your calender for July.

Note: Likely Box Office refers to Opening Weekend in particular, unless stated otherwise

Big-Budget Popcorn Movies

July 1 – Transformers: Dark of the Moon

So, yes, technically it opens on June 29, but since it’ll be winning Fourth of July weekend, we would be remiss in omitting it in our preview of July. Still don’t know if I’ll be seeing it, though.

Likely Quality? Great for effects, awful for everything else. Although, since all of our expectations are so low after Revenge of the Fallen, who knows, maybe we’ll find ourselves having a grand ol’ time with the third installment. I actually hear it’s “the best one yet,” for whatever that’s worth.

Likely Box Office? Ginormo. Which isn’t even a real word, that’s how much money transforming robots make. Especially 3-D transforming robots.

July 15 – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part Two
The heart-wrenching eighth and final slice of Harry Potter, showing in both 3-D (boo! hiss!) and 2-D (huzzah!)

Likely Quality: High. Really high. Almost a shame the Oscars won’t be forced to have 10 Best Picture nominees this year, ’cause it would have been nice to see this up there as an acknowledgment of the entire series.

Likely Box Office: Huge, no doubt, though I wonder if it won’t be as big as Transformers, simply because most of us Harry nuts are opting for the less expensive 2-D. Ugh. 3-D is dumb.

July 22 – Captain America: The First Avenger

It’s all resting on this one. I felt the same way about each of the comic book movies this summer, Thor, X-Men: First Class, and Green Lantern. Enjoyed each one, had problems with each one, thought there were one or two stand-out performances in each one. Will Captain America pull an Iron Man, Dark Knight, or an X2 and be unquestionably wonderful?

Likely Quality: It seems to be testing well, but apparently Green Lantern did too. Expecting mediocre to protect my fragile, fragile heart, but hoping for fantastic

Likely Box Office: More or less exactly the same as the other three superhero movies of the summer. Unless it’s an unbelievable finished product and picks up the strongest repeat business.

July 29 – Cowboys & Aliens
Favreau and Universal have been campaigning hard for this genre mash-up, and despite pissing me off with trailers that give WAY too much away, they still have me completely on board for opening weekend.

Likely Quality: Even though all the twists and turns seem fairly obvious from the trailer, I still have faith that this movie will be delightful at worst and an instant genre classic at best.

Likely Box Office: An opening weekend somewhere between Super 8 and Green Lantern. But this is hands down one of the most interesting films to watch in terms of box office this summer as it is difficult to find anything concrete to compare it to and it is exclusively 2-D.

More categories and movies after the jump!

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Sneak Peak: True Blood 4.2 [Clips]

Three clips from this Sundays episode of True Blood, "You Smell Like Dinner"

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